A very long stretch

I ordered a refurbished laptop last week and the website I ordered from was a scam. I have normally ordered from tried and true sites, but decided to try something new. They never sent it and I can't reach anyone there.  Not a good feeling to be taken.
My inbetween time of work is filled with waiting and more waiting, which is why I was anxious about getting the laptop. Next week when I get paid, I can get a new laptop, but that's a long wait. Once I have one, I can start my web design again and pull myself out of this long stretch to start making money and work towards building my place of solace.
I personally need a place that I can goto between adventures, where I don't have to worry about anything. A small piece of land, a small cabin, where I can recharge and renew. I don't need much, but I do need something and a place that I can call home.
I'm also planning on getting in shape and eating better. There's a gym across the street, which is handy. Normally I would prefer walking and such, but doing anything in 100 degree heat is misery.
Thus far I've been eating cheap filling foods with loads of carbs and not much else. Even though healthier alternatives are more expensive, I think I would prefer eating less and healthier than to my current plan of action.
And I'm feeling lonely of late. I would like to meet a woman of like mind and spirit. I have decided to wait for the perfect person to enter my life. As with other aspects of my life, I am a minimalist and don't require much. But the the things I do need, must be there in abundance. An artist,  a beautiful spiritual , and someone that knows how to laugh and does so frequently.
I am trying hard to retain the mindset of newness with the everyday. My day to day is very lame and unexciting. They're fairly similar to the days before the walk. Except I am very driven. I have a Chinese glyph tattoo that means Waiting for Serenity. The difference is that now, I am not waiting for serenity to find me, I intend to actively find it. My favorite quote of all time is "To strive, to seek, to find...and not to yield". I will create my own life, to my expectations, not matter the cost.

Summertime in Shan'grila

It has hit me, the quietude of thought. Gone is all the anger and resentment of the gods that has been with me this long while. And also gone is living as a reaction to 1200 miles of penance. I am myself now, and content.
Each day in my life that has gone wrong. Each relationship that threw a bad spoke. And each self critical thought that has left me weak and full of regret, was left on the side of the road with the rest of the things that no longer breathe.
That thing I did that one time no longer defines me.
Those things I did before that,  mistakes, bad choices, no longer affect this present.
I am today and tomorrow.
The forest path calls me, and I need it like a soft cooling rain on a summers day.
I am ready.

Still

I am still craving adventure and a thru hike. More than anything I think I am craving the metamorphisis. I don't believe I have attained the me that I believe I should be, that I want to be. Sure, I've found my happy place, but that doesnt mean the journey stops. I have this idea, thus picture of who I want to be and what I want to do. Need to.
Life can change at any moment. I know my general route, but each step is subject to the wind of my thoughts.

Thinking ahead

It's been two months since I stopped walking and I'm really been thinking on how to start my life right this time around. It's kinda like a second chance for me and I don't want to mess it up. So I'm being very picky about the choices and path ahead of me.
I've started over lots of times in my life but always seemed to jump right back into misery. I guess I never realized how important having a vision was, and making the absolute right choices reflective of that were.
My vision is to become self sufficient, to work as an artist and writer and to travel. Having a place to call my own is still important to me, and the size and amenities don't really matter. I just want a place where I can call home in between adventures. Most importantly is my need to work as an artist and writer in whatever form that takes. When I started web design, I had a good vision, but to put food on the table compromised my artistic integrity. That is not going to happen again. I also stopped drawing several years ago, and that's a happy place for me. Did a sketch last night and it felt good, even if I am a little rusty.
Making the right choices big and small is probably the biggest change for me. What would the wayward yeti do? That helps me put things in perspective. I know how tom would choose, the most direct,  cheapest, and no BS alternative. But the wayward yeti makes choices to reflect the journey and making that journey a great one now and later on down the road.

In life

I was watching a surfing documentary earlier and it showed alot of people just living for today.
I have always wanted things, don't get me wrong, I've always been a minimalist at heart, but felt that money could help me do more things. I wanted a nice house,  a nice car, money in the bank etc. I still do. But looking at my llife, 46 years in, I see that my active years are closing in. That may be a wrong way to look at things, but it's reality. Another 10, maybe 20 years and I won't be able to do things I can do now. 
While all my friends from my younger days have risen through the ranks of corporate america, or started a thriving business, I've been living on the edge of the poverty level. I'm not all that motivated to make money, if it means doing something I don't like. I also enjoy my down time, which entails a couple of good books and a comfy chair. Working towards making money to get all the material things I really want, makes me nauseous.  Work for me, has always been a means of subtracting time from your life, and a life of work doesn't appeal to me.
I'm not married, no kids, and really no responsibilities. What would be the point in working for years to save enough to buy the things I want, just to buy things that I can't take with me when I die? This doesn't mean I no longer want money and have sworn off possessions. It just means I am no longer willing to subtract time from my life at a crap job longer than absolutely necessary.
I want a car, because it sure beats walking. And a place the I own, because I hate the idea of rent. It could be a hut on a lot of land in the middle of the desert for all I care. I like the idea of being self sufficient, yet still have the perks of civilization. My goal now is to save for a car, then land and an rv. I can do all of them for under 10k if I don't mind the location as much. But once I have that, hopefully in the next 6 months or so, which will take me thru winter, I can plan adventure time! 
The AT still appeals to me, but does seem kind of tame compared to my walk. The PCT sounds nice, or the John Muir. Maybe something out of the country.
Truisms and popular quotes about money not meaning everything is trite, but viscerally feeling the need to let that shit go is an awesome feeling. I want to truly live each and every day. That 9-5 thing is a scam and the most unfullfilling parts of my life.

What if

I was raised in a christian house, more specifically baptist. Then, I was cool with the words of Christ's love and forgiveness speel, but not a fan of all the rest. So I went through life as mostly agnostic. I tried some of the other religious beliefs, pagan, humanism, Buddhism,  and satanism (not what you think). But all of those were more like the rituals or rigid structure I detested from christianity.
The problem was that I just couldn't wrap my mind around the idea of faith over reason. That, and there were so many things in the bible that just don't make sense. And that kept me away from christianity in whole and in part. But every once in awhile I would meet a christian that met my standards of what a christian should be. Non judgmental, accepting etc. 
I am an all or nothing kind of guy and had pretty much chucked the whole concept of Christianity and pursued more of a casual belief of my own device. I'm also very much a man of reason. A whole belief that everything that doesn't make sense, should be accounted by faith is stupid.
On my walk I did something different and decided to be led by god and not the bible, nor by christianity. I wasn't led by god to become a bible thumper or holy roller. I was led to love and forgive, and to be more accepting. I feel this is the way to experience the fullness of the walk with god. After all, I'm open to what God wants for my life, and if he wanted those aforementioned things in my life, he would lead me to them.
The key for me was praying in humility.  Before that, I detested the thought of humility, the idea that others were over me that were wiser and knew better. I'm still not a fan.
My life hasn't changed much. I still smoke, I still cuss, and I still like the things I used to. The little that has changed, is the me who was lost, and is now found.  Contentment of countenance.  In the end, being openmided to the posibilities led me here. Therefore I am still open minded to other possibilities in life, other possibilities of thought.
I believe in all paths to god, I believe in reincarnation, I believe that we will all be together when we die, whether we all believe the same thing or not, and I believe in christ. All these things are not mutually  incompatible with believing in god.
It took me long years and a walk through hell to get to a place where I could talk to god and hear him. I wish I hadn't thrown out the baby with the bathwater all those years ago. I think we all pray at some point in out lives whether in desperation or sadness. What if, we didn't have all these messed up ideas of what the walk with god should be, and just follow where he leads? Forget all the rituals of belief be they christian, pagan, whatever. Don't worry about feeling the need to "obey" they bible or be included by another's path. God is the only guide you need. Your walk with god is yours and not for others to dictate.
Check out www.jesuswithoutbaggage.com

The job

Sucks less everyday, and that's cool. But it may be a variety of Stockholm syndrome where it's better because I don't really have any better choices. Nonetheless,  it is what it is.
Everyday I think about the day I can escape and get back to an adventure. Looking ahead, I'm thinking on getting a cargo van and converting it into a camper. That way, it's a car and backup campsite in one. I'm not really a van type of guy, but I really like the idea of having a place to sleep/live should I need it. In the neantime, I can use it for those mini vacations should I be so lucky. My plan is to modify only the inside and make it a stealth camper. That way no one realizes it's a camper. Great possibilities for offstreet camping without being harassed by the popo.
There are a few peeps at work that have heard my puma story and seem to insist on calling me puma, for whatever reason. I don't mind much, but it's a bad reminder. The puma encounter reminds me that only by the grace of God was I spared, so that's cool. But at the same time, I was basically puma bait, which is not a happy thought. I'm sure everyone would love their nickname to be "bait".
  I've been closely following the  Atlantic2pacific folks and I'm more than a little jealous of their journey. They are in the desert and that's just an awesome place to be. Had I continued on, I would likely be nearly to my destination. I'm happy that I stopped and spend most of my days in AC, but still miss aspects of the walk.