The great outdoors

Sitting here on my day off, with a fan blowing hor air in my face. I keep thinking about the walk and missing it. Not really the walk itself, but the adventure of it. Everyday seeing something new, and living on the razors edge.
For a very long time, I've wondered what it is that I was missing from my younger days that left me tired and unhappy with life. What was it that was stripped away from me that left me barely hanging on. And then today,  I figured it out.
You would think that after my walk that life would be different. I am different I think, but I have the same mindset. Get a job and get comfy. And though there's nothing wrong with that, there was definitely the lack of intent. Making money to have things is not an intentional lifestyle. And that I'd exactly what I have been doing for the last 10 or so years of my life, living without happy.
The missing element was the vision.  Since I didn't have one, I developed this idea that I was content with the things money could buy. And maybe for some people that is enough. But for me, making money and saving to buy shit, is meaningless without the knowledge that it's in transition to a new place. Somewhere along the way, I had to have a destination. And that's when I started loosing the happy.
Sitting here, I'm thinking about the steps I need to take to get to a place where I'm comfy, and all i feel is dread. Because that is not a happy thought for me. Making money to buy shit. I'm not talking about necessities,  but things like thinking that if I make the right choices with money and career, that I will be able to buy a nice cabin in the mountains, and be able to travel. But that's a long wait for a train don't come. 
There are some hikers that get jobs just to to get enough money to support their next hike. And I think I'm of that mindset. 
The mistake I've made is thinking that a dollar amount would fix my problems. I started web design to design really kickass websites, but then to make the rent, I ended up making commercial trash. It's no wonder I got sick of it. I've kept hourly jobs that I hated for years because it paid better than another kind if job. I got stuck in suck.  And I definitely don't want to go there again.
The vision for me is to travel, everywhere. To be on the edge of tomorrow daily.  And to not regret each and every day.
That doesn't mean I will quit jobs I don't like, but in my mind they are temporary. I don't need much to live happily.
Stopping my walk, and coming back to normal is uncomfortable in that I realized, I don't want that normal. My happy place is in the journey and the razors edge.