Epilogue, sort of

It's been about a month since I realized that I didn't have to keep punishing myself, to get to a place of meaning in my life. Somewhere along the way, I bought into the idea that I had done wrong in my life, taken too many wrong turns, that the only solution was to punish myself, by turning myself into a destitute wandering wayward spirit. Sure, there was definitely a positive adventurous side to my decision. Taking the path less travelled,  and opening myself up to destiny. But even after I found my happy place within, I kept walking. Mostly because I felt like I would let people down who encouraged and supported me on the trek. Finally, here in texas, I stopped.
Looking back, the near death puma encounter definitely had an influence on my decision. I'm a fairly big guy, 6'2 at about 245 lbs. Not what I would consider an easy meal for a puma. But I realized that I had been limping for most of the second half of my trip. Wounded prey. And it led to the understanding that I was not enjoying the journey as much, in fact, in some aspects, I dreaded going back to the walk.
It's a hard thing to walk away from walking away. Like coming back to reality after a nice vacation. I have been somewhat worried that I would just go back to a place of unhappy. And to some extent, that's true. I've got a soulless job, that after only a week, I really don't like. Endless cubicles.  But I need it now, and like on the walk where there were long stretches of nothing, and everyday I would push myself to make miles; this is no different. I'm pushing myself to make money through miserable days of emptiness. But unlike before, I know what i want. I know that it's only temporary and that my next destination is only time away.
My immediate goals are to get a laptop and a car. I'm starting from scratch, so I need to eat my Ramen noodles and be thankful it's not tuna on the shoulder of the road. I have been doing some web design on my friend's laptop,  but plan on kicking it into high gear once I get my own. And this time, no more of that commercial crap, but design that makes me happy. I also want to write a novel, and learn to play the guitar and travel. I still want to blog, but haven't decided if I should start a new site, or continue with this one.