Forgiveness

That's a tough one. Sure I can forget,  and if I never have to deal with that person again, I can forgive to some extent. But with a betrayal, forgiveness is hard. It's a way of moving on, and allowing yourself to heal. But I tell you, there are some things in my past I just cannot get past. Maybe once I'm a real boy again, can I find a way. With me, a betrayal breaks something inside. And some things get broke and can't be fixed. Repurposed, but not the same. Before I started this walk I was all kinds of broken. All my dreams were a failure,  my hope gone, and I felt like it could never get better. So in a last attempt to salvage my life, I started this walk. And I've found that I don't need to fix what was broken. I don't want to glue together the pieces to make the same hapless shell that I was. Instead I have found new purpose that doesn't involve cloning.  So maybe I can forgive, just not forget. Like burning your hand, the wound heals, but it's a lesson.

Leaving Longview part 2

On my way out of town,  I was taking a breather on the side of the road,  and Rex pulls over to see how I'm doing. We chatted a little bit, he gave me some cash and invited me to his house a few miles ahead. About an hour later I stopped by, and he invited me in, fed me and we proceeded to have a great talk about god and the bible. It was really nice to discuss belief and my new path in an open forum. We talked for a few hours and said our goodbyes. He's definitely given me some things to consider and think about. And like always, meeting amazing people really puts a good spin on the day. I was also worried about money, and the cash was an answer to a prayer. I am thankful and hopeful of my path ahead.

Leaving Longview

Will be leaving shortly, and though sad to sad goodbye, excited about getting back on the road. Aunt Stacy and I spent most of yesterday talking, so hopefully I've gotten enough one on one interaction to last me through the solitary days ahead. I've decided to head to dallas via 80 even though going 69 to Greenville is a shorter trek. The 69 route is backcountry and I would like to avoid that. With all the rains and flooding, animals like boars may be closer to highways and out of their natural stomping grounds. And I like the civilization more frequent. I'm ready for another week or two on the road, with all that entails.

Day 77

In Gilmer TX at my uncle and aunts house. I was planning on leaving this morning but there is another storm front coming today and they offered to let me stay another night. Awesome! Last night we went out to eat and had tex-mex and it was great! I ate too much and somehow still had leftovers. I am still tired from a lack of sleep this week and going to take a much needed nap.

Phew

Walked about 20 miles thus far and I'm pooped. My legs or feet hurt to some extent everyday and today it's a nice stiffness that has stayed with me throughout the day. Alot of times just walking thru it helps,  other times the heat of the movement and sun, warm them sufficiently so as not to be too bad. But today, just ouch! The temperature here just keeps getting hotter and hotter for every minute the sun's out, so later in the day is that much hotter. Last time I looked it was 96, not sure now. My uncle offered to pick me up after he got off, and good thing, because on a normally I would stealth camp asap. I wish I could figure a way to attach an umbrella so the sun wasn't constantly beating down on me. And think, it's just going to get hotter. Today is one of those days, I've asked myself repeatedly, what was I thinking?! Lol.

Longview today

I'm about 5 miles out, and loving these small towns with stores every ten miles. There are plenty of hills though and that's a challenge. The foam innertubes aren't as good as the air filled ones, and ride lower to the ground like a partially filled tire, so its almost a chore pulling the cart. Going uphill I push the cart and down I pull it. At least I wont have to worry about flats. I'm at an Exxon, and bought an Icee. White cherry and coke mixed. It is so nice. These things can only truly be enjoyed when its this hot. Well, hot going up all these hills. Its actually cloudy and nice weather. A nice breeze or wind helps alot in the walk and can do more miles between breaks. My uncle and aunt live in Longview, so will be staying the night with them. They are about 10 miles north of the city, so its a longer walk than I had expected today. Will be clocking close to 30 miles. But a shower, a possible bed, and good company are worth it.

Special

Almost from the day we are born, we are instilled with the notion that we are special.  That we are meant for greatness and our lives will mean something.  Or that we will be the turning point in other people's lives, that our existence wasn't for nothing. My whole life I've been a dreamer and a daydreamer. In my imaginings I made a difference for others.  But in my day to day, I did very little in the way of making a difference,  and I never did achieve that potential. Even this walk, as special as it is, isn't what I'm meant to be or fo, it's a journey to that. Maybe all of life is just that journey and that potential is a life of meaning realized. On this walk, I have prayed alot. Alot. Mostly I have prayed for the rain to go away. Because as we all have learned, rain is a walk kilker. That's when I realized that my prayers were being answered. When a full on storm front was headed directly at me, and the suddenly it would part. Or that it would come at me like a wall for a thousand miles, and then just as it was upon me, go around my location like the eye of the storm. It sounds crazy, I know. But it's happened many times. Too many times to be the luck of the draw. There are other things too, but the praying to stay dry, and having the storm front,  not touch me, really dislodged my logic, and caused me to believe; and that was the inception of my faith and walk with god. It also,  made me feel special. That I mattered, and what I'm doing matters, my walk, my life matters. Normally, I'm a very rational kind of guy. Big on critical thinking, and facts. But there are things that though could be explained,  in many ways defy logic. And I choose to see those things as the acts of a benevolent god, helping me on my journey.