My happy place

I started this walk as a last ditch effort to get out of the box that was my life. I had little expectations that I would find my happy place much less any meaning. But in desperation I still hoped, because I have always believed that my life was to be one of meaning and happiness.
And then early on in the walk I found faith, and from that, grace. I found many things I had lost over time, and in my walk with god, I finally found my happy place.
I have felt my whole life to have this need and acceptance from others, and in small ways, they would fill the emptiness inside me.  I always felt like I was half of a man, half of the person I was meant to be, so that even in my happiest moments, I still yearned. But I found that emptiness filled with god. And I am no longer hungry, going through the cabinets trying to figure out what exactly I have a hunger for, what exactly I'm missing. I am sated and whole.  And I am no longer alone.
My journey was about finding that perfect place, finding a spiritual wholeness, and if I lost a few pounds, that was an added bonus. I found a perfect place, a perfect stillness of my thoughts through faith. Not a physical locale,  but a serenity within. So that no matter where I am, I am happy. I found the ocean of god, not in a desert, but in the humid, rainy swamps of desperation, of humilty. And I lost a few pounds.
The motivation for walking to Utah is no longer there for me. I don't feel the need to punish my body further, walking through radioactive heat, just to end the walk in the sun drenched desert. Walking across america was never my goal. Utah was a general direction, not a spiritual endgame.  I no longer feel the need for penance, to punish myself for walking so far down that dark road that became my life.
I enjoyed parts of the walk to here. I felt so connected to my friends and family. With the blog, I completely opened my thoughts to the world without a censor,  and received encouragement. What a great feeling! I reconnected with friends i had pushed away, or thought lost. I met truly amazing and kind people on the road. I had moments of pristine clarity, and beauty. I have never before felt so close to the people around me, nor so grateful to have them in my life.
But now I'm done and ready to start a new adventure. Maybe not one with dangerous creatures, weather that stalks and harasses me. And maybe not one where I will have to worry about where I sleep each night. This adventure will be filled with good friends, good times and happiness. It may not be blog worthy or exciting like walking across 4 states; but it will be new and exciting.
The person that started this walk is not here. I am full, satisfied and happy; and I'm happy with the direction my life is going.
Thank you everyone who has encouraged me, donated, and shared this awakening with me! It has meant the world to me.

Wayward Yeti, signing off.

Bait

I can't stop thinking about the cougar. Been watching videos on how they hunt and how they kill. I'm 6'2 and not really a small guy. So why would this puma target me in broad daylight.
I was only just back on the road, with only two hours sleep the night before, so by the time I got to that bridge, I was exhausted, walking more miles than i should have. And though my ankle was feeling better, a muscle in my thigh was aching so I was limping somewhat. I was alone, and probably looked like wounded prey. I think I was a target of opportunity, and where I was sitting on the guardrail/bridge, could have been easily knocked over into the underside of the bridge.
It would have happened quickly, had the van not been there. I would be laying at the bottom of the bridge, thinking "what the heck is happening?", while the cougar had his jaw around my neck, squeezing the life out of me.
Then I start thinking, what can I do to protect myself? Be super aware at all times? What about camping? what about eating, or really anything for that matter. There's tall grass everywhere, 2-3 feet in most cases.i would never see it coming. Maybe a suit of armor would do the trick, maybe an animal would provide an early warning, and maybe not.
A pumas range is 370 miles, so it's a very small chance of encountering one again.  But one is really too many times for a city boy like me.
I was very very lucky! God was watching over me. Down the road,  I'm sure it will be a great story.  Right now I'm just very aware of how close I came to being cat food.
It's weird. Right after it happened, I felt calm and unworried. Maybe I was just so tired,  but I also felt the presence of God, as I do on the walk. It was after walking away that i started to get concerned.
I have lived a pretty safe life, and with the exception of a car accident, have never come close to death that I know of. But this, this was a primal kind if near death experience on a completely rational and then emotional level. Now, there's not fear, being safely indoors. But there is an intense awareness.

Back

I texted my friend in denison, and back hiked the remaining 7 miles to his place. I hurt all over, but at least I'm dry and nor wading through tropical storm Bill.my ankle is doing much better for the rest and new insoles but now some muscle in my thigh has been giving me issues.i like to think that when walking, I'm making strides with my head held high, but more likely I'm limping and straining the whole way.
The more I think about the cougar,  the more it freaks me out. Walking alone, it could pounce on me coming from the tall grass on the side of the road, and drag me into the grass, and likely not be seen by passing cars. If I saw one, I can react with my new air horn, bear spray, and a metal bar or screwdriver if need be. But cougars pounce,  so it's more likely, it would pounce from the grass, or from a tree, and I wouldn't even see it coming. It would be quick and unseen.
From what I gather, most people, even experienced hikers don't ever see a cougar. They are elusive, sneaky,  and smart. My thought was that when going out west,  I would just avoid large rock outcroppings and in the desert, you have a better view of things.  But encountering one here, just fifteen miles outside of a town I spent my youth is just scary. 
The whole way back into town, I kept stopping every twenty feet checking behind me, scanning the grass.  I also had the thought that it would be super sneaky to get a little ahead of me and attack when I was looking back, so I would do a full 360 scan. The fact that it came at me in broad daylight across a somewhat busy highway concerns me. I had always thought that the road was my safe zone. That those loud barreling Diseil trucks would scare away animals during daylight hours at least. It was about 5pm and fairly busy time of day. I guess it's possible that the cougar has adapted to the noise and commotion of cars, adapting to the encroachment of civilization.
I had come to the realization that if I was bit by a rattlesnake, I could just limp to the roadside and flag someone down. A bear, I would likely see coming, and coyotes, I would just have to deal. But a cougar...even being very aware isn't enough. Now with my other thoughts regarding the walk, I'm very hesitant. Buy maybe a good night's sleep will give me some clarity.

I am

Not walking in this rain. Especially a tropical storm. I'm up and down on the walk, and need some time to think. I checked behind this shopping center and it's already got some folk living back there.  I just need to rest, and down time to think. Sitting here being aware and awake is exhausting. I need to find a good day camp spot.

Seriously?

Tropical storm Bill. More rain, more flash floods, and it's heading right into north texas. Of all the years I could have chosen to walk across America. I was about to head out when it started raining. And as you all know, for me, rain is a walk killer.  Yes my gear will stay dry, and I would stay mostly dry. But it's just miserable to walk in. My phones about dead, from lack of vitamin d, and I don't have the fortitude to deal with it today. Oh, and my nipple hurt something feirce. I don't know what causes that,  but it's annoying. I've wrapped my ankle bandage around my chest to keep them from rubbing against my shirt.
I'm not sure what I'm gonna do. I'm tired and didn't sleep much last night. A cat me owed near my tent last night, and though I knew it was a cat,  I guess the stress of the day caught up with me.
I think my motivation for the walk is gone. I was looking for the ocean of god, and found it early on. I could stand to lose more weight, but I'm good with the loss of 50 lbs. And I've come to realize that my happy location, probably doesn't exist. That finding a place, is only half the battle. The rest is finding happy inside. Trite as it sounds, it's true, and as belligerent as my spirit has been to find the perfect place, I think the missing part has always been inside me. But I have that now. So it kind of nullifies my reason for the walk.
The question now is, if i don't walk, where then do I go?

Spent

The night behind walmart strategically behind a bush. There's rain in the air and my goal today is whiteright.  Getting past the puma is a little bit of a worry. But I don't see another option. Maybe it will have moved on. The thing is because of the tsll grasses, I would likely never see it coming. But I plan on staying very alert. And gonna pick up an air horn in a sec if I can. I see yesterday as God keeping me safe. Had it attacked me under the bridge, or after I made camp, I would be puma bait already. The fact that it came over the road at me was a blessing. And that car that shipped by in the nick of time and almost hit it. I like how the cougar website for America says there's no mountain lions in east and central parts of the US. But yet everyone knows someone that has seen one.

Back hiking

To the walmart 5 miles, erg! I admit that when checking under the bridge I could have spooked it, maybe had some young. Not sure why it felt the need to cross the roadway at me though.
Every 20 steps or so, I turn around and scan the high grasses.  It really freaked me out! 2 miles to go.