My happy place

I started this walk as a last ditch effort to get out of the box that was my life. I had little expectations that I would find my happy place much less any meaning. But in desperation I still hoped, because I have always believed that my life was to be one of meaning and happiness.
And then early on in the walk I found faith, and from that, grace. I found many things I had lost over time, and in my walk with god, I finally found my happy place.
I have felt my whole life to have this need and acceptance from others, and in small ways, they would fill the emptiness inside me.  I always felt like I was half of a man, half of the person I was meant to be, so that even in my happiest moments, I still yearned. But I found that emptiness filled with god. And I am no longer hungry, going through the cabinets trying to figure out what exactly I have a hunger for, what exactly I'm missing. I am sated and whole.  And I am no longer alone.
My journey was about finding that perfect place, finding a spiritual wholeness, and if I lost a few pounds, that was an added bonus. I found a perfect place, a perfect stillness of my thoughts through faith. Not a physical locale,  but a serenity within. So that no matter where I am, I am happy. I found the ocean of god, not in a desert, but in the humid, rainy swamps of desperation, of humilty. And I lost a few pounds.
The motivation for walking to Utah is no longer there for me. I don't feel the need to punish my body further, walking through radioactive heat, just to end the walk in the sun drenched desert. Walking across america was never my goal. Utah was a general direction, not a spiritual endgame.  I no longer feel the need for penance, to punish myself for walking so far down that dark road that became my life.
I enjoyed parts of the walk to here. I felt so connected to my friends and family. With the blog, I completely opened my thoughts to the world without a censor,  and received encouragement. What a great feeling! I reconnected with friends i had pushed away, or thought lost. I met truly amazing and kind people on the road. I had moments of pristine clarity, and beauty. I have never before felt so close to the people around me, nor so grateful to have them in my life.
But now I'm done and ready to start a new adventure. Maybe not one with dangerous creatures, weather that stalks and harasses me. And maybe not one where I will have to worry about where I sleep each night. This adventure will be filled with good friends, good times and happiness. It may not be blog worthy or exciting like walking across 4 states; but it will be new and exciting.
The person that started this walk is not here. I am full, satisfied and happy; and I'm happy with the direction my life is going.
Thank you everyone who has encouraged me, donated, and shared this awakening with me! It has meant the world to me.

Wayward Yeti, signing off.

Bait

I can't stop thinking about the cougar. Been watching videos on how they hunt and how they kill. I'm 6'2 and not really a small guy. So why would this puma target me in broad daylight.
I was only just back on the road, with only two hours sleep the night before, so by the time I got to that bridge, I was exhausted, walking more miles than i should have. And though my ankle was feeling better, a muscle in my thigh was aching so I was limping somewhat. I was alone, and probably looked like wounded prey. I think I was a target of opportunity, and where I was sitting on the guardrail/bridge, could have been easily knocked over into the underside of the bridge.
It would have happened quickly, had the van not been there. I would be laying at the bottom of the bridge, thinking "what the heck is happening?", while the cougar had his jaw around my neck, squeezing the life out of me.
Then I start thinking, what can I do to protect myself? Be super aware at all times? What about camping? what about eating, or really anything for that matter. There's tall grass everywhere, 2-3 feet in most cases.i would never see it coming. Maybe a suit of armor would do the trick, maybe an animal would provide an early warning, and maybe not.
A pumas range is 370 miles, so it's a very small chance of encountering one again.  But one is really too many times for a city boy like me.
I was very very lucky! God was watching over me. Down the road,  I'm sure it will be a great story.  Right now I'm just very aware of how close I came to being cat food.
It's weird. Right after it happened, I felt calm and unworried. Maybe I was just so tired,  but I also felt the presence of God, as I do on the walk. It was after walking away that i started to get concerned.
I have lived a pretty safe life, and with the exception of a car accident, have never come close to death that I know of. But this, this was a primal kind if near death experience on a completely rational and then emotional level. Now, there's not fear, being safely indoors. But there is an intense awareness.

Back

I texted my friend in denison, and back hiked the remaining 7 miles to his place. I hurt all over, but at least I'm dry and nor wading through tropical storm Bill.my ankle is doing much better for the rest and new insoles but now some muscle in my thigh has been giving me issues.i like to think that when walking, I'm making strides with my head held high, but more likely I'm limping and straining the whole way.
The more I think about the cougar,  the more it freaks me out. Walking alone, it could pounce on me coming from the tall grass on the side of the road, and drag me into the grass, and likely not be seen by passing cars. If I saw one, I can react with my new air horn, bear spray, and a metal bar or screwdriver if need be. But cougars pounce,  so it's more likely, it would pounce from the grass, or from a tree, and I wouldn't even see it coming. It would be quick and unseen.
From what I gather, most people, even experienced hikers don't ever see a cougar. They are elusive, sneaky,  and smart. My thought was that when going out west,  I would just avoid large rock outcroppings and in the desert, you have a better view of things.  But encountering one here, just fifteen miles outside of a town I spent my youth is just scary. 
The whole way back into town, I kept stopping every twenty feet checking behind me, scanning the grass.  I also had the thought that it would be super sneaky to get a little ahead of me and attack when I was looking back, so I would do a full 360 scan. The fact that it came at me in broad daylight across a somewhat busy highway concerns me. I had always thought that the road was my safe zone. That those loud barreling Diseil trucks would scare away animals during daylight hours at least. It was about 5pm and fairly busy time of day. I guess it's possible that the cougar has adapted to the noise and commotion of cars, adapting to the encroachment of civilization.
I had come to the realization that if I was bit by a rattlesnake, I could just limp to the roadside and flag someone down. A bear, I would likely see coming, and coyotes, I would just have to deal. But a cougar...even being very aware isn't enough. Now with my other thoughts regarding the walk, I'm very hesitant. Buy maybe a good night's sleep will give me some clarity.

I am

Not walking in this rain. Especially a tropical storm. I'm up and down on the walk, and need some time to think. I checked behind this shopping center and it's already got some folk living back there.  I just need to rest, and down time to think. Sitting here being aware and awake is exhausting. I need to find a good day camp spot.

Seriously?

Tropical storm Bill. More rain, more flash floods, and it's heading right into north texas. Of all the years I could have chosen to walk across America. I was about to head out when it started raining. And as you all know, for me, rain is a walk killer.  Yes my gear will stay dry, and I would stay mostly dry. But it's just miserable to walk in. My phones about dead, from lack of vitamin d, and I don't have the fortitude to deal with it today. Oh, and my nipple hurt something feirce. I don't know what causes that,  but it's annoying. I've wrapped my ankle bandage around my chest to keep them from rubbing against my shirt.
I'm not sure what I'm gonna do. I'm tired and didn't sleep much last night. A cat me owed near my tent last night, and though I knew it was a cat,  I guess the stress of the day caught up with me.
I think my motivation for the walk is gone. I was looking for the ocean of god, and found it early on. I could stand to lose more weight, but I'm good with the loss of 50 lbs. And I've come to realize that my happy location, probably doesn't exist. That finding a place, is only half the battle. The rest is finding happy inside. Trite as it sounds, it's true, and as belligerent as my spirit has been to find the perfect place, I think the missing part has always been inside me. But I have that now. So it kind of nullifies my reason for the walk.
The question now is, if i don't walk, where then do I go?

Spent

The night behind walmart strategically behind a bush. There's rain in the air and my goal today is whiteright.  Getting past the puma is a little bit of a worry. But I don't see another option. Maybe it will have moved on. The thing is because of the tsll grasses, I would likely never see it coming. But I plan on staying very alert. And gonna pick up an air horn in a sec if I can. I see yesterday as God keeping me safe. Had it attacked me under the bridge, or after I made camp, I would be puma bait already. The fact that it came over the road at me was a blessing. And that car that shipped by in the nick of time and almost hit it. I like how the cougar website for America says there's no mountain lions in east and central parts of the US. But yet everyone knows someone that has seen one.

Back hiking

To the walmart 5 miles, erg! I admit that when checking under the bridge I could have spooked it, maybe had some young. Not sure why it felt the need to cross the roadway at me though.
Every 20 steps or so, I turn around and scan the high grasses.  It really freaked me out! 2 miles to go.

Cougar

The first bridge was all mud and about the same for the second one. I left my cart on the roadside and went down to check it out. I saw some tracks in the mud but paid no attention, as they could have been made by a dog.  Then I went to the other side of the road to see if it had a better ingress option. After checking it out, I went and sat up on the guardrail.  A few minutes later I see a large cat come from the middle of the road from under the bridge,  across the road towards me. But a car was passing and it had to change course away from me. The thing was fast and, I modified my opinion of its size as it leapt into the bushes...very large cat, about to my mid to lower thigh. I recognized it as a cougar, and double checked it with google. Then after making a quick decision and making a hasty retreat, I google them more thoroughly. And it's not good. They can take down animals much larger than themselves, and when you see them, they've probably been stalking you for a little bit. Currently I'm about a mile away, and headed back into town. Safety in numbers and civilization. I was planning on camping under that bridge. Good thing I decided to cross to the other side of the road and good thing a car was coming. I am a little freaked out.

Conflicted

Never did get that rest time. The sun was out and I figured I would walk, instead of sitting there in the heat. Walking, I've been thinking about the road ahead and the road I've already traveled. This is my first day back on the road after a very nice oasis with a good friend.  My time in Denison was very nice and fulfilling and I can see living there.  With the new money being channeled into the area, there's new growth and opportunity where before there was only a ghost. And there's lake Texoma which is probably the best swimming, good time lake I've ever been to. I have been so far from happy for so long, I'm not sure I know what it looks like. But the last week or so is definitely a highlight in the last several years.
But it could also be that I am not looking forward to some aspects of the walk. I can do the walk to Utah, and I know that I will make it. There are challenges, but I can face them. My time on the road thus far, has shown me that I can meet anything that comes my way. Even the night camping and the heat don't really hold any dread, just annoyance.
I guess the only real concern I have about the walk is the destination. If I was doing the walk so I could go from point A to point B, I don't think there would be doubt about continuing on. But I'm going from point A to my happy place. I'm not walking for a cause, I'm walking for myself. And though lake powell definitely holds a yearning, I worry that I will get there as the summer is ending. That limits the jobs in the area signifigantly. And if I'm unable to work, I will have to move on to another locale. And what if I get there, it's just a lake in a desert, no happy thoughts?
And lastly, I feel an obligation to those following my journey. I enjoy the walk immensely and would be sad to leave that behind. But it will end one day.
For the first time since I started, I feel fully prepared, physically, mentally, spritually, and with regard to my gear. I guess I will just keep walking until I figure it out.

Day 93

I only got a few hours sleep last night, so I'm a little tired. I use the map quest app to see the road ahead using the aerial view feature, checking our the terrain, looking for bridges and clumps of trees that don't look fenced. Looking ahead yoday, there are 3 bridges at 2, 6, and 10 miles. Most of the flooding has gone down, so that gives me hope that one of them will do the trick. Regardless though, the third bridge will have to work if the other two don't because it's the last option for another 10 miles after that.
There's a walmart just around the corner where I intend to get some new indokes, Off, and some new bandanas. Luckily the next hundred miles or do has a fair amount of civilization,  even as far as Wichita Falls. Right now though, I have a few hours to blow. sunset is around 830 and if the furthest distance I may go today is 10 miles, that's 5 hours at most. Which means I can take a break til 330 and still have plenty of time to make it to a good spot. If one of the closer bridges works out, all the better.

Back on the road

And it kinda hurts. Just finished walking  about 4 miles and I'm covered on sweat.  Don't know if it's the humidity or being out of shape, from laying on the couch the last nine days. Luckily it's been cool, if muggy,  and the sun hasn't really made an insistent appearance. my goal today is a bridge about another 9 miles away. I don't want to start my walk by having to seek out a campspot on a long road and barbwire fences. Just a nice easy day will suit me fine.
These last week or so relaxing has been so good for both my body and spirit. Brian was a generous and most excellent host, but that is the way of hobbits. I feel renewed, and ready for the walk again in a short time. That is not to say I wasn't tempted to stay and make my home in Denison, I was. Still am. And I guess if when I finish the walk, I may come back here. But I still feel unfinished. Like the transformation that started on the walk needs to be completed. That I am still, not the whole person o am meant to be. It's only 3 months, and the best part is still ahead. I guess living like a normal person for awhile has made me appreciate it.

Late night thoughts

I can't sleep,  and pretty excited about the days ahead. I got some much needed supplies at walmart today including some locking bins that will keep my clothes nice and dry should the tarp not do the trick. I really haven't been doing any walking for the last 9 days, with the exception of a few miles on two ocaissions. So I'm wondering how much the walk will affect me. My ankle feels much better, but will be paying closer attention to it. I've got 5 gallons of water now, a 2 liter of soda, and two coolers for ice, the ones with the screw on lids. Bought some food like deviled ham with individual packets of crackers. And Brian hooked me up with some MRE's, so I have enough sustenance foods for about 2 weeks. I really need some shut eye. Alas.

Countdown

"It is a barren wasteland, riddled with fire, ash, and dust. The very air you breathe is a poisonous fume. Not with ten-thousand men could you do this. It is folly. "

Been thinking about this quote from lord of the rings lately in anticipation of the next leg of the journey.  I'm excited and am having trouble thinking about anything else. Technically I'm good and have the gear and supplies needed to resume the walk. But there are little things that make life a little easier that I plan to get. Another large thermos style cooler with a screw on lid, for more ice capacity. A bin or tub to help better organize my cart and keep my gear dry. Maybe a tan tarp if they have one, to better conceal my tent in the desert. And if I could find a way to rig a cup holder to my rickshaw poles, that would be awesome!
I'm also getting tired of tuna. So may try some other canned foods that taste better. I've been getting more of an appetite lately and need food with flavor.
Spoke on the phone with Keith from the atlantic2pacific walkers. They are in texas as well, but walking a more southerly route. We share the same apprehensions about camping, water, and dangerous wildlife, and exchanged ideas. It was nice to talk shop with someone experiencing the same journey.
Though the walk ahead has some definite challenges, I am ready to go out and meet them.  This last week or so off, has been a saving grace and so thankful to Brian for offering his home and hospitality to me. 

2 more days

The great thing about being on the road,  Is there is only the present and the immediate future. I'm growing apprehensive sitting on this couch, worrying about the path ahead of me. Stealth camping presents a big challenge in a flat desert landscape where there's nowhere to hide. I can always wait till dark and head off the road a little where the shadows are heaviest. But then I have more of a chance of bumping into rattlesnakes. If there's an abandoned building, I can camp behind one, but they are few. The towns are about 50 miles betwixt each one and not much cover within. I plan on carrying 5 gallons of water until amarillo, then 8 gallons for the rest of the journey. I will probably walk a bulk of my miles before noon, then take a rest, then a few miles at the end of the day. I'm taking alot on faith, but it makes sense to plan extra for the desert walk.

Day 90

Another few days and I will push myself to leave this oasis. It's a hard thing to leave comfort and good company,  but the quest isn't yet finished. I step outside and when the sunlight touches my skin, I feel instantly hot to an uncomfortable degree.  My tan has faded, so I will need to use Suntan lotion again. Brian is giving me a hunting stool so I can sit on the shoulder to rest without melting. I will get used to it.

Destination

Been thinking alot about my destination and m6 hopes when getting there. I will be arriving at the end of summer so I may have a problem getting a job, as it's a resort town. And if for some reason it's not the place for me, where then? Head north to provo, or on to cali? I guess I have a couple of months to think on it.
Tonight we grilled some large ribeye steals on the grill along with baked potatoes.  I have been craving steak since the walk started. It was a very satisfying meal and I'm so thankful to be able to eat well before the resumption of the walk. I will probably still be able to do 15 miles a day in this heat, but can't really plan for more. Not looking forward to the heat, but ready to start walking again. My ankle with what I can only assume has a stress fracture, is still a little sore, but healing.

My gear now

My gear now versus when I started:

Main:
Dog Jogging Stroller w/ solid inner tubes -  a cart is a must,  and solid inner tube as well. But be wary, the solid inner tubes don't place as much tension on the rim and can cause the rims to warp in extreme conditions. I've learned to treat my cart like walking an elderly man down the stairs.

El Cheapo Tent - my tent has gone through alot, but it's easily to put together. I only wish it was a darker color and rain proof.

Sleeping bag- I replace my huge 20 degree one for a small compact 50 degree version as the temperatures increased.

Sleeping mat- It's a blue foam walmart deal and us pretty amazing. I cut it longways so it wouldn't be so wide, and about 6 inches off the top so it wouldn't be so long.  My only complaint is that in the humidity, if it gets wet, it takes forever to dry.

Tarp- since my tent isn't waterproof, this this does the trick. It's also dark camo, which helps hide the tent. I wish I just had a better tent because with this covering it, it gets hot. The other bonus though is in a cold spell it cuts the cold by about 10 degrees.

Bug spray- vital in southern climates, but not as much in texas.

Bounce Dryer sheets- haha, they don't work for anything.

Atlas- a space waster.  Everything I need is on my phone.

Suntan lotion- I used this every morning at first, but sweated the stuff off my face. Now I'm so tan, there's just no point. I keep it for days I may have to walk without a shirt.

Trash compactor bags- these work in place of a dry sack. I still have one, it's got some holes, but I use it to cover my cart at night, and keep rain off it. I also use it to sit on in the grass.

Ziploc freezer bags- these carry all my toiletries and medicines.

2 Smaller backpacks- now I have a large walmart backpack, and the other is my tent bag.

2 Rubbermaid bins- not needed.

Bear Spray- still have it just in case. Good for all forms of animals, including the human kind.

Folding stool - lol, don't bother.

Tools:
Gerber knife /w whistle - still have it, never used it. Kind of a security blanket.

Magnesium fire starter - bah!

Lighter - just in case. Them desert nights are supposed to be cold.  And I can camp on blm lands which are visible,  so no fretting a fire.

Spoon- the only utensil I need.

water tablets- never took them as they didn't come in time.

Para-cord- I use bungee cords for all my paracord needs.

Duct Tape- I've got a small roll. Thus far only used to patch up tent.

Keychain flashlight- only used for night walking.

screwdriver/plyers- still git em for any pros with my cart.

Clothing:
Rain poncho- had several. May as well use a trash bag to cover yourself for all the good they do.

Bandannas- only one made it. Vital for keeping bugs away. Also good for cooling down, by keeping the back of your neck from the sun.

Hat- Monroe is absolutely needed.

Sandals - gone. Buy better quality than I did and they may do the trick. But walking the side of the road encourages pebbles to hitchhike and every ten steps, I was having to stop to remove them.

Sneakers- buy Hugh quality,  the only way to go.

Sunglasses- unless it's super bright, don't bother.

Sock Liners- handy at the begining. Now my feet are hardened.

Socks- I have a thick pair of tent socks for when it's chilly, and 3 pairs of thin polysomething or other fir my walk. I go through socks fast.

Sport Underwear - lost so much weight, I have to pull these things up, but they still do the trick. Odor resistant and no chaffing.

Toiletries:
Toothbrush- yep

Toothpaste - yep

Washcloth- yes, but used very infrequently.

Toilet Wipes- or baby wipes. To keep clean every night. But also handy if you need to do your duty under a bridge.

Scissors- yep

Razor- yep

Bar soap- now I just keep hotel soaps from my infrequent hotel stays.

Deodorant- yep.

Cologne- gone

Trimmer- gone

Shampoo- I use soap instead and only in hotels, but on the road, there is no shampooing your hair.

Microfiber towel- gone

Medical: I still have all this, but it's used infrequently.
Vaseline
First aid cream
Tweezers
Roll Bandages
Iodine
Aspirin
Benadryl

Electronic:
Smart phone- vital
Charger
Solar Charger- vital
MP3 player- yep
Computer- the walk is no place for a computer. Water damage.

I spent the days before the walk preparing for any eventuality.  And I got most of the basics. But really,  unless you're going completely backwoods, you're going to be close to stores, and can get what you need on the way. It's funny to me to see the things I thought I would need, but turned out to only weigh me down.

Progress is unkind to nostalgia

Walking the streets of denison,  on the one hand I'm glad that it's not a little texas ghost town, but on the other, I see so much has changed. It seems that even this far from dallas, it has become a new suburb of the rich and trendy. The one place I expected to stay the same, is almost completely different. I spent some good years here, with good friends and good times. I lived in dallas after for about 10 years, and never really came back here. Then I was off to Virginia and oregon. I expected to come back to those far gone memories and a spooky little town trying to hang on. What I got was an almost complete remodel of the entire area. I have gotten a chance to reconnect with a good friend, and so that has made the journey here more than worth it. But I guess the lesson is to hold on to the good memories, and keep going forward.

Top 10 things I dislike about the walk

10. Stealth camping. I've gotten used to it, but still don't like it. If I can find a spot early enough it's great. But usually there's only about an hour before dark nowadays that I have to find a place and it's just plain stressful.
9. Dirty laundry. Just walking 15 miles in the heat on one day covers you in sweat. But then compile that with several days, well, it just gets odorous. I use baby wipes every night to bathe, and my clothes are synthetic mostly so that helps,  but the clothes absorb the sweat and salt from my skin,  and theres no good option until I hit a laundromat.
8. Alone in a void. There are some days, I don't talk with anyone, and no one stops, and it's like my whole existence is to walk alone. That's why when I do see people, and they're nice, it fills me with energy.
7. Fences. It's pretty frustrating to find a great spot, just to find a hidden barbwire fence. I could cross them I suppose, but Texans take it personal when you do that. It makes it so that I have to plan my end of day better, usually so I'm near a town, where it's more likely to have unfenced areas.
6. Diseil engines. Just about every truck has one and the are insanely loud. Under a bridge,  you hear it barreling down on you miles away, and when the pass you on the roadway there's this thunderous basso. Mostly I've gotten used to it, but it still catches me off guard.
5. Grind days. These are days where, either I've been in a long stretch of nothing or I'm hurrying towards a safe haven. When I was in the Navy in boot camp, we had a large area of asphalt called the grinder, where we spent most of the day excercising. It was pretty miserable, and pushing myself to make the miles has that same feel.
4. The heat. It's getting into the 90's here and soon will reach the 100s. Similar to the crazy humidity,  the dry oppressive heat is just as daunting.  It's like a weight pushing you down. But unlike the south, sitting on the shoulder is worse. You could seriously fry an egg there. So it's walk more with less sit down rest stops.
3. Roadkill. Every mile there has been some kind of roadkill. Squirrels,  chipmunks, skunks, deer, a bear, dogs, falcons, cats, turtles,  armadillos,  birds, possum, snakes, mice, you name it. And though I've gotten used to seeing it; the odor carries and can turn a beautiful morning into something nauseating.
2. Dark days. Especially when I'm out on a stretch, one thing that keeps me sane is being connected via Facebook or even just text messaging. So when it's cloudy and rainy, my solar charger does nothing and I feel alone in the wild with a low or dead battery.
1. Snakes. I'm fairly ambivalent about snakes, and had them as a kid. But the poisonous kind fill me with apprehension. So far my goal has been to stay away from water sources thus avoiding water moccasins,  but now rattlesnakes are common on my upcoming route, and I'm just not happy about it. It means being even more wary on the side of the road.

Walking

Everyday, my walk started with breaking camp,  taking a deep breathe and walking quickly from my hidden spot to the open shoulder of the road. From then until late afternoon I would walk. Sometimes purposefully, sometimes dragging my feet, but I would walk throughout the day. Only in walking, in movement could I find peace, the serenity of action; they rhythm of a body walking. When I was younger, I always did my best thinking while walking. Walking to clear my head, walking to sort out a problem or heartache. But as I grew older, busier, lazy; I stopped walking. And I would instead stare blankly at a computer screen. As the technology became more advanced, the movements of my body became less. Until I found myself with a laptop on my 24/7. I had my work area on the right side of the screen, Netflix in a little window on the left and an online game at the bottom left.  my mind was being filled constantly with a TV show,  an interactive game, or designing a website. I became a master of multitasking.  I was constantly being filled with some kind of interactivity or another. All the while, remaining very still, and almost motionless. My mind no longer took shelter in the quiet midnight walks, and things that bothered me stayed unresolved. Then I just got stuck. Stuck on a madhouse of my own design. I remembered the good times of my younger days, when I felt the most free. I tried to rekindle interests from my past to try and light the fire again in my spirit. I wanted to be free again, I wanted to be happy again. I had so many things left unresolved in my head and heart. Forgiveness that I couldn't grant, anger, and a deep lingering loneliness. Everyday I would wake up and set new goals just to get through the day. And I dreamt of the day I could quit my life and start anew. People walk out on jobs all the time. I wanted to walk out on the dreariness that had become my life. I read books on others who walked across the country,  and daydreamt about it. Intellectually I saw the benefits, the weight loss, the freedom. But I also saw the darker side, that if I wanted to,  I could simply crawl into a hole and wither away. Then it came to pass that I had no other real choice. Like some part of my subconscious was leading me to the walk. Had I more time to really think on it, I probably would have not started. Even before the walk, the idea of it scared the crap out of me. I was excited about it, and that overrode my fear. But it was a brave new world, and I knew It would be all or nothing. The first few days of the walk were nice. It was like going camping. But as the weeks progressed and the heat, the cold,  the rains, and the dangerous situations happened, the walk quickly turned into a miserable lifestyle choice. I learned about faith and that surely saved me. But something else happened. Something unexpected and visceral. I was walking.  I had plenty of time to think. But even things that I didn't know we're bothering ne, but that weighed heavily on my heart, we're getting resolved. Just by walking, my spirit slowly unraveled itself, without any conscious effort. I began feeling happiness. For the first time in years, I woke up in the morning without the weight of hurt or anger. And I was able to see the good in people, in life. And I was able to forgive myself for all the things I let go, all the poor choices, and not living up to my own standards. I was able to see the beauty again, and living in the moment, my slate was wiped clean. Walking. Walking was the first step in me starting over. Now,  I'm happy. I'm content.  And I'm excited about my future.

Top 10 things I like about the walk

I'm on my buddy's couch, in the AC and just relaxing, reflective of the last few months. I've skimmed through my previous posts for the first time and they bring me right back to specific days, and I remember them clearly. There's a fair amount of being scared, worried, and apprehensive, but there are also times of profound contentment. Being off the road for the last two days, and knowing I have a safe place to sleep for the rest of the week, and not having to be alert all the time has got me thinking about the best aspects of the walk. So here they are:

10. Walking. Though I don't miss walking all day long, there is just something fulfilling about walking and thinking alone.
9. Everyday is a new adventure. There is nothing really the same, and the landscape is always changing. There's a definite feeling of making progress, even if I do nothing else.
8. The unknown. Everyday is a new challenge.  And though sometimes those days have been insurmountable,  it's a great feeling to meet the unknown, and rise to the challenge.
7. Nature. I've never been a nature guy. But on the walk, I'm like this explorer in a wild new land. Sitting by the side of the road and having a butterfly land on your hand, or seeing boars on the side of the road. It's scary sometimes but also kind of exciting.
6. taking my time. I have to remind myself that there's no hurry, and days I've done around 15 miles are usually very relaxed and peaceful. It's when I push myself to make miles that the walk becomes s grind.
5. With each mile I'm burning calories and losing weight. I like that I'm 50 lbs lighter. It just feels good.
4. By blogging, doing facebook, and such; the encouragement and support has been a big part of my walk. I feel connected to people like I never have before.
3. The people that stop to to bring me a cold drink, give me a few bucks, or just to talk. Meeting, Nice, amazing people is just a great thing, and energizes me.
2. Walking with god. On the road,  I just feel closer to god. Walking is just such a solitary endeavor that even with all the cars passing by, I feel alone in the world and I feel so connected with god walking the path with me.
1. With each step, I'm getting closer to the person I've always wanted to be. The me who is happy.

Lazy days

Slept til 2, and woke up to the AC at full blast. It was probably my most relaxing sleep since I started the walk. After picking me up last night, got to his house and talked late into the night. I was tired,  but it was very relaxing and enjoyable to catch up. Today Brian treated me to golden coral, and though I've never been a big buffet fan; I was like a kid in a candy store. It was an indulgence of lots of food. My stomach the size of peanut got stretched so that I felt like my skin was separating from my ribs. Walking from the restaurant, overfill and limping from yesterday's walk, must have been funny to watch. After getting back to the house we had more good conversation and started sharing musical talents. Normally my days of rest in a hotel haven't lasted more than two days. And so after getting there and sleeping, the next day was spent preparing for the next days departure; doing laundry, repacking, and enjoying the AC and civilization for as long as possible. Without the pressure of being on the road tomorrow, I really got a chance to relax physically and mentally. It's just a nice feeling to be able to take some time to do nothing.

ExfilGreenville

Made it to Greenville through the exquisite pain of the heat rash,  aching muscles and sore feet. Was taking a break on a guardrail when my friend from Denison, Brian messaged me. The new plan is that he's picking me up tonight and after the visit,  dropping me off back here. It's a pain, but need to stay true to the walk. The obvious benefit is that I can start my muscle rehab tonight versus the day after tomorrow. I am sorely in need of rest. It's about an hour drive down here and an hour back, and very cool of him. I am so very thankful!

Beat down

That's what the sun has done to me, best me down. I have a nice heat rash betwixt my legs and it's killing me. The first aid ointment didn't help so now I'm trying vaseline. I have about 4 miles to go and I will make it. But it's gonna hurt. After my failed experiment last night of getting a good place to sleep,  only got 4 hours; and then today's bionic walking, I could sleep anywhere. But I'm getting to Greenville first. There's not much in the way of good cover for camping, but after dark falls, I will just find a dark shadow if need be. Hopefully tomorrow fairs better.

Whew!

Got cutoff from my last post because some guy wanted to chat. Sometimes it's the better part of Valor to just listen when someone obviously just needs to talk. So I didn't finish unspoken rules.  Maybe later.  My feet are killing me. But yet 10 more miles to go today.  Making great time probably because there are no shady spots and therefore no point in stopping. Can't sir because who wants to fry on the asphalt. Not me. So I keep walking. Saw a sign a little bit ago that said Denison, 61 miles. I spent some formative years of my youth in Denison and looking forward to seeing it again. But it also represents a halftime rest period and time for my ankle and feet to heal up. And of course to see my old friend Brian. It's been like 25 years since I've seen him, and that was when we were on the road together. It will be so nice to catch up and rehash old times.  Because if my excitement, I'm grinding these miles away, taking short breaks and pushing to get each mile into the day as possible. Today, I should hit close to 30, then it's only 45 miles, which I hope to complete by Sunday.

Unspoken rules

The one rule above all else is, walk. Although I suppose you could run if your heart desires it. But there are a few unspoken rules for the walk that discern a walker from a continental traveller.
1. Walk throughout. I've read about cross country walkers that would walk east/west, but then take rides north/south. I personally think that's crap. But I do agree that there are times when taking a ride is reasonable.
A. When no pedestrian traffic is allowed, like some btidges.
B. When you are in immediate peril, or by walking you route, could put you in imminent danger.
C. When going off your route to visit a friend or safe camping spot. An example is like when I go to a state park, but then had to go several miles from the entrance to the camping area. Or when going completely off route, to visit my uncle in longview. It was 10 miles from the highway. Youre golden as long as you hike out or start again from the same spot you left.
2. Time off is just to heal enough to get back to the walk. I've seen youtube videos of people taking 2 weeks off to go on a family vacation. That kind of stretches it for me. I guess everything is relative.
That's all I got for now, please feel free to add to the list.

Unusual night

Was waiting at dairy queen for the busy bodies to be on there way, so I could make a dash for the church. And while waiting outside,  a guy cones up and introduces himself as Tim, and asks if I wanna go to his cousins house and get high. I told him no on the getting high but would like to hang out. I was hoping on getting an invite to pitch my tent in the cousins yard. Went to the guys house and it was like a circus of people coming and going. Tim kept introducing me as the guy who's walking across América,  he doesn't smoke, but he's cool. The cousin tim, introduced me to a show called robot chicken, and it was weird but funny. After a few hours things quieted down and he said I could crash on his back porch. I'm sleeping commando, no tent, and gotta be up in 6 hours. The dogs next door start barking crazy when i try and setup my tent, so i gave up. I just thought I'd try something different. Shake it up a little bit. They are both nice guys, if inebriated. I'm glad I met them, but could have used the extra sleep, had I gone the sleep behind the church route.

Emory

Still in emory. Finished a nice Mexican meal and after looking at the map, was again disconcerted to see only farmland for the next 10 miles. No trees in which to camp. So after walking just to be on the move, I turned around after finding a church. There's a picnic area in town which is where I'm sitting, waiting for sunset. My options are slim, so I'm going to probably try behind the church after dark. From what I understand, that's a common practice for walkers, but I've only done it once out of desperation. The cart makes things challenging, versus just packing it. But I think it's well worth it. Now there's just the waiting. Been thinking about all the amazing people that have stopped on the road to give me a hand up. Intellectually, I've done the math and it doesn't matter whether I'm wearing my Homer hat or not. I named my hat Homer btw, Homer 2 to be precise. From an outsiders view, people probably help transient types all the time, and I could very well have just been the beneficiary of that goodwill. But every time I've prayed for help, I've gotten it. Days I didn't pray, most times I didnt. With few exceptions, my Florida walk was curiously missing the helping hand. Could be because I was fat, and didn't fit the part. Could be because Florida's are just not help the guy on the roadside kind of people. Possibly. I would say that 90% of the hand outs I've received have been some variant of Christian.  So does that mean I'm in some exclusive club now, and getting help from other members via the grapevine? I was in a gas station a few days back and after I paid for my drink, a large black guy comes up to me and hands me some ones. He says that Jesus told him to give the money to me. So it it possible that the roadside help I've gotten is circumstance and fitting a profile? It is. But I choose to believe it's something more. That it's gods grace, helping me.

Laundry day

So I may have been incorrect about my clothes not being that bad. So I stopped in emory to do some laundry. The ever dry shorts I picked up last month must be mislabeled because they are never dry. They suck up any moisture in the air and just look dirty all the time. The laundromat is probably the dirtiest one I've ever seen, but it does have ice cold AC,  so I'm feeling the whole glass half full vibe. Since my realization yesterday about how long the day has gotten, I'm not freaking out about heading out of town and finding a spot right away. After laundry, I plan to grab a bite and then be on my way. Greenville is about 30 miles, and my halfway point. It's pretty darned exciting! The ankle brace I got is doing wonders, and if not for the oppressive heat, I could go further than I'm doing. After 11 am I have to stop about every 2 miles, and take a 15 minute with an ice cold beverage to cool down and keep from getting over heated. It's frustrating, but I'm glad for the cooler and the ice. The cooler is vital to walking these texas roads. Without the quick cool down option, I would have to sit in the shade doubly long, and the walk would be one of misery. I'm finding picnic areas all over now. And they're a nice respite considering there is no shade for miles around. Another glass half full item is that I'm heading NW,  so not feeling the sun for 15 straight hours, but now getting some shade from the trees later in the afternoon. A lady stopped in front of me and started talking to me about god. She gave me  5, then a few min later, another five,  the a few minutes later some ones. She also wanted to bless me, but didn't have the time. Made me wonder there for a moment if she was friends with uncle sid's ex. But she was kind and wished me well on my journey. And I'm thankful for the cash, which is my laundry and fast food dinner tonight.

Hwy 69

In Alba now, and hoping to make some good time today. Very humid this morning. There Is Little To No Cell coverage the last several miles, and probably won't be till I'm closer to Greenville. I noticed that last night, there was plenty of sunlight til about 9. Which means there's 15 hours of daylight. So if I needed to make some miles and my feet could handle it,  I could probably do 30 miles a day minimum. But as it stands,  I'm not in a big hurry, and comfortable with 15-20. Maybe further west I will pull big mile days, where there's alot of miles between towns. Today I just have alot of energy, and not sure why. Maybe it's that halfway point that's inspiring me. I stopped drinking energy drinks in favor of Gatorade.  In addition to being pricey,  I don't really need those energy boosts anymore. Emory is about 10 miles away and should make it by 2 or 3. I bought ice, so that will make the heat tolerable. 

Golden

Not much to say. Just that people are amazing! Not only did I wakeup to find donations into my account, but on the road out of town, I was given some what a burger by the same ladies who hooked me up yesterday. The one real downside to texas, besides the heat, is the all the private fences. There's barb wire fences everywhere. I found a good night time spot earlier,  but would have to wait several hours. Luckily I came upon this rv park. Most rv parks don't allow tent camping. But I decided on a new tack instead of calling and was looking for someone for a face to face. Merle was driving by, as I was poking in the office window. We talked for a little bit, because that's what you do in texas. Then he offered me a spot for free. It's still hot, but I'm in my tent and grateful for the kindness.

Golden

Not much to say. Just that people are amazing! Not only did I wakeup to find donations into my account, but on the road out of town, I was given some what a burger by the same ladies who hooked me up yesterday. The one real downside to texas, besides the heat, is the all the private fences. There's barb wire fences everywhere. I found a good night time spot earlier,  but would have to wait several hours. Luckily I came upon this rv park. Most rv parks don't allow tent camping. But I decided on a new tack instead of calling and was looking for someone for a face to face. Merle was driving by, as I was poking in the office window. We talked for a little bit, because that's what you do in texas. Then he offered me a spot for free. It's still hot, but I'm in my tent and grateful for the kindness.

Mineola

Is a nice little texas town. The people are friendly and it's got that a nice home town feel. I got a much needed haircut, an ankle brace, vitamins and groceries. I was tempted to do laundry, but what's the point really? my clothes are still in the "not that bad" category, and it's 5-7 days till denison. It's almost 2 and I don't expect to make many miles today, but still going to try, even though what I'd like is to find a nice shade spot and take a nap. The walk is an all-in kind of enterprise and though rewarding, is also tiring. Greenville is 50 miles from here and marks my halfway point for my journey. It's like I'm on the big middle of a book, so it's not as exciting as the beginning or the end. But pretty soon, I will be "out west", and that's very exciting!

It's 10:32 am

And I'm sitting in front of the motel AC, waiting for the 11 am checkout. It was nice to get a shower and surprisingly there were no bed bugs. Going to stop at walmart on the way out and get some supplies, then on 69 to Greenville which is about 50 miles away, halfway to denison. I am a little apprehensive because there's alot of farmland on the way. Great for walking but bad for camping. I've also been thinking about the end of my journey and what I'm going to do when I get there. But, that is a pretty stressful thought and will just take it on faith that things will work out.  On the up side, I received two donations to my burrito fund; thanks so much Kenneth and Tim & Shirley! 

Don't judge me!

You know who you are. I had to get a motel room. Well, that or do the night walk thing, which never turns out good. I found a second picnic area around 5, thinking I could camp in the nearby woods. But the woods had some kind of 4 wheeler course. So I moved on. Everything was underwater for the next 3 miles. Then just as I was about a block from all houses,  I looked up and saw a crappy motel. Of my options it was the best one. I had intended to build another 7 layers of dirt, but I guess fate had other plans. My ankle is really not having fun these last few days. Tomorrow I'm going to try for an ankle brace and vitamins at walmart. Then it's another 7 or so days north to Denison. Denison is my old stomping grounds, and an old friend offered his couch to recoup from the journey; and I'm am so thankful. I'm bushed.

Hot and hotter

Today gas been an exercise in just making it through each mile. In Hawkins this morning I decided to proceed without getting ice, and that was a mistake. The highway widened out and the trees are now far from the roadway and there's no shelter from the sun for miles and miles. I did have some people stop and give me cold drinks. I guess sitting on the side of the roadway in the hot sun, is the international sign for help. I was just resting, but thankful to them cold drinks. Now I'm definitely glad I chose the northern route. I'm about 5 miles from Mineola and plan on camping soon. I'm just that worn out. In the morning when it's nice and cool I can make the walk to town. Decided to take 69 thru Mineola, greenville, then denison. There's lots of flooding in dallas and I want to avoid that.

Hawkins Tx

Woke up and headed into Hawkins tx. It's a small town,  but giving me a reprieve from the sun. It's going to be a scorcher for this walker today. But I got donations to the burrito fund, and now can put ice back on the menu, yay! Yesterday whole taking a breather at an abandoned church, a young couple brought me dome cold drinks, and that hit the spot. Then about 15 minutes later, a car pulled up and a kid comes out with a sonic bag and an ice cold soda.  That really hit the spot! Gonna pick up some vitamins as soon as possible, probably in Minneola.  But that's 20 miles away and a tomorrow kind of thing. My ankle is still giving me crap, but will just have to walk thru it. Twenty miles...sigh.

My father

I suppose back in the day, he was a decent man. He just had a problem with alcohol. Still does I guess. My mom and he divorced when I was young. I had a good childhood but don't have any good memories of him. All the memories I do have, revolve around being chastised in some way. After the divorce, he stayed in touch for a few years, but then nothing. A card here and there maybe. So I grew up without a father, mostly. There were those that filled the opening for a time, but it always seemed a tenative position. My mom had to be both mom and dad, and she did a good job. But there was something missing. I'm not saying having a father in your life is mandatory, especially one who doesn't care. But there are things that get missed out on. Like learning how a man is supposed to act in a relationship with a woman, or how a man is supposed to act with his child. How to deal with everyday frustrations. Men are from Mars and women from venus. My mom did a good job, but there are just certain things she couldn't teach. So here I am years later, thinking about this, not for the first time, and I no longer feel that missing piece of my life. In my walk with god, I feel that emptiness filled,  and it's nice. It's nice to have that protection,  to know someone is looking out for you, and someone to help guide my decisions.

Taking it easy

My right ankle is sore and I think it may have to fo with my diet.  It's hard to tell when some part of my foot or leg is sore everyday from the walk.  But it's the same place the last few days. Rex gave me some bananas and the potassium may help. But I definitely need to get some vitamins when I am able. I will probably make it to Hawkins today as its only about 10 miles. I really hate doing a short day with all this sunshine but don't want to risk an injury. Been doing a lot of thinking about the bible and trying to come up with resolutions that make sense to me.