A very long stretch

I ordered a refurbished laptop last week and the website I ordered from was a scam. I have normally ordered from tried and true sites, but decided to try something new. They never sent it and I can't reach anyone there.  Not a good feeling to be taken.
My inbetween time of work is filled with waiting and more waiting, which is why I was anxious about getting the laptop. Next week when I get paid, I can get a new laptop, but that's a long wait. Once I have one, I can start my web design again and pull myself out of this long stretch to start making money and work towards building my place of solace.
I personally need a place that I can goto between adventures, where I don't have to worry about anything. A small piece of land, a small cabin, where I can recharge and renew. I don't need much, but I do need something and a place that I can call home.
I'm also planning on getting in shape and eating better. There's a gym across the street, which is handy. Normally I would prefer walking and such, but doing anything in 100 degree heat is misery.
Thus far I've been eating cheap filling foods with loads of carbs and not much else. Even though healthier alternatives are more expensive, I think I would prefer eating less and healthier than to my current plan of action.
And I'm feeling lonely of late. I would like to meet a woman of like mind and spirit. I have decided to wait for the perfect person to enter my life. As with other aspects of my life, I am a minimalist and don't require much. But the the things I do need, must be there in abundance. An artist,  a beautiful spiritual , and someone that knows how to laugh and does so frequently.
I am trying hard to retain the mindset of newness with the everyday. My day to day is very lame and unexciting. They're fairly similar to the days before the walk. Except I am very driven. I have a Chinese glyph tattoo that means Waiting for Serenity. The difference is that now, I am not waiting for serenity to find me, I intend to actively find it. My favorite quote of all time is "To strive, to seek, to find...and not to yield". I will create my own life, to my expectations, not matter the cost.

Summertime in Shan'grila

It has hit me, the quietude of thought. Gone is all the anger and resentment of the gods that has been with me this long while. And also gone is living as a reaction to 1200 miles of penance. I am myself now, and content.
Each day in my life that has gone wrong. Each relationship that threw a bad spoke. And each self critical thought that has left me weak and full of regret, was left on the side of the road with the rest of the things that no longer breathe.
That thing I did that one time no longer defines me.
Those things I did before that,  mistakes, bad choices, no longer affect this present.
I am today and tomorrow.
The forest path calls me, and I need it like a soft cooling rain on a summers day.
I am ready.

Still

I am still craving adventure and a thru hike. More than anything I think I am craving the metamorphisis. I don't believe I have attained the me that I believe I should be, that I want to be. Sure, I've found my happy place, but that doesnt mean the journey stops. I have this idea, thus picture of who I want to be and what I want to do. Need to.
Life can change at any moment. I know my general route, but each step is subject to the wind of my thoughts.

Thinking ahead

It's been two months since I stopped walking and I'm really been thinking on how to start my life right this time around. It's kinda like a second chance for me and I don't want to mess it up. So I'm being very picky about the choices and path ahead of me.
I've started over lots of times in my life but always seemed to jump right back into misery. I guess I never realized how important having a vision was, and making the absolute right choices reflective of that were.
My vision is to become self sufficient, to work as an artist and writer and to travel. Having a place to call my own is still important to me, and the size and amenities don't really matter. I just want a place where I can call home in between adventures. Most importantly is my need to work as an artist and writer in whatever form that takes. When I started web design, I had a good vision, but to put food on the table compromised my artistic integrity. That is not going to happen again. I also stopped drawing several years ago, and that's a happy place for me. Did a sketch last night and it felt good, even if I am a little rusty.
Making the right choices big and small is probably the biggest change for me. What would the wayward yeti do? That helps me put things in perspective. I know how tom would choose, the most direct,  cheapest, and no BS alternative. But the wayward yeti makes choices to reflect the journey and making that journey a great one now and later on down the road.

In life

I was watching a surfing documentary earlier and it showed alot of people just living for today.
I have always wanted things, don't get me wrong, I've always been a minimalist at heart, but felt that money could help me do more things. I wanted a nice house,  a nice car, money in the bank etc. I still do. But looking at my llife, 46 years in, I see that my active years are closing in. That may be a wrong way to look at things, but it's reality. Another 10, maybe 20 years and I won't be able to do things I can do now. 
While all my friends from my younger days have risen through the ranks of corporate america, or started a thriving business, I've been living on the edge of the poverty level. I'm not all that motivated to make money, if it means doing something I don't like. I also enjoy my down time, which entails a couple of good books and a comfy chair. Working towards making money to get all the material things I really want, makes me nauseous.  Work for me, has always been a means of subtracting time from your life, and a life of work doesn't appeal to me.
I'm not married, no kids, and really no responsibilities. What would be the point in working for years to save enough to buy the things I want, just to buy things that I can't take with me when I die? This doesn't mean I no longer want money and have sworn off possessions. It just means I am no longer willing to subtract time from my life at a crap job longer than absolutely necessary.
I want a car, because it sure beats walking. And a place the I own, because I hate the idea of rent. It could be a hut on a lot of land in the middle of the desert for all I care. I like the idea of being self sufficient, yet still have the perks of civilization. My goal now is to save for a car, then land and an rv. I can do all of them for under 10k if I don't mind the location as much. But once I have that, hopefully in the next 6 months or so, which will take me thru winter, I can plan adventure time! 
The AT still appeals to me, but does seem kind of tame compared to my walk. The PCT sounds nice, or the John Muir. Maybe something out of the country.
Truisms and popular quotes about money not meaning everything is trite, but viscerally feeling the need to let that shit go is an awesome feeling. I want to truly live each and every day. That 9-5 thing is a scam and the most unfullfilling parts of my life.

What if

I was raised in a christian house, more specifically baptist. Then, I was cool with the words of Christ's love and forgiveness speel, but not a fan of all the rest. So I went through life as mostly agnostic. I tried some of the other religious beliefs, pagan, humanism, Buddhism,  and satanism (not what you think). But all of those were more like the rituals or rigid structure I detested from christianity.
The problem was that I just couldn't wrap my mind around the idea of faith over reason. That, and there were so many things in the bible that just don't make sense. And that kept me away from christianity in whole and in part. But every once in awhile I would meet a christian that met my standards of what a christian should be. Non judgmental, accepting etc. 
I am an all or nothing kind of guy and had pretty much chucked the whole concept of Christianity and pursued more of a casual belief of my own device. I'm also very much a man of reason. A whole belief that everything that doesn't make sense, should be accounted by faith is stupid.
On my walk I did something different and decided to be led by god and not the bible, nor by christianity. I wasn't led by god to become a bible thumper or holy roller. I was led to love and forgive, and to be more accepting. I feel this is the way to experience the fullness of the walk with god. After all, I'm open to what God wants for my life, and if he wanted those aforementioned things in my life, he would lead me to them.
The key for me was praying in humility.  Before that, I detested the thought of humility, the idea that others were over me that were wiser and knew better. I'm still not a fan.
My life hasn't changed much. I still smoke, I still cuss, and I still like the things I used to. The little that has changed, is the me who was lost, and is now found.  Contentment of countenance.  In the end, being openmided to the posibilities led me here. Therefore I am still open minded to other possibilities in life, other possibilities of thought.
I believe in all paths to god, I believe in reincarnation, I believe that we will all be together when we die, whether we all believe the same thing or not, and I believe in christ. All these things are not mutually  incompatible with believing in god.
It took me long years and a walk through hell to get to a place where I could talk to god and hear him. I wish I hadn't thrown out the baby with the bathwater all those years ago. I think we all pray at some point in out lives whether in desperation or sadness. What if, we didn't have all these messed up ideas of what the walk with god should be, and just follow where he leads? Forget all the rituals of belief be they christian, pagan, whatever. Don't worry about feeling the need to "obey" they bible or be included by another's path. God is the only guide you need. Your walk with god is yours and not for others to dictate.
Check out www.jesuswithoutbaggage.com

The job

Sucks less everyday, and that's cool. But it may be a variety of Stockholm syndrome where it's better because I don't really have any better choices. Nonetheless,  it is what it is.
Everyday I think about the day I can escape and get back to an adventure. Looking ahead, I'm thinking on getting a cargo van and converting it into a camper. That way, it's a car and backup campsite in one. I'm not really a van type of guy, but I really like the idea of having a place to sleep/live should I need it. In the neantime, I can use it for those mini vacations should I be so lucky. My plan is to modify only the inside and make it a stealth camper. That way no one realizes it's a camper. Great possibilities for offstreet camping without being harassed by the popo.
There are a few peeps at work that have heard my puma story and seem to insist on calling me puma, for whatever reason. I don't mind much, but it's a bad reminder. The puma encounter reminds me that only by the grace of God was I spared, so that's cool. But at the same time, I was basically puma bait, which is not a happy thought. I'm sure everyone would love their nickname to be "bait".
  I've been closely following the  Atlantic2pacific folks and I'm more than a little jealous of their journey. They are in the desert and that's just an awesome place to be. Had I continued on, I would likely be nearly to my destination. I'm happy that I stopped and spend most of my days in AC, but still miss aspects of the walk.

Attitude

It's been brought to my attention that I may have the tendency to point out the negative aspects in my life a little too much. Though I agree with this sentiment, I am also a fan of full disclosure. I hate it when people online or in person only share half of their experiences, the positive things.
To me the negative things are just as important to share. Who wants to live in a world without balance? I don't believe in sharing only portions of my life. Sure, I may over share to those close to me, and that's something I'm working on.
My problem is that I think too much. That circular thinking where if I can't come up with a viable solution, I get negative.  Then try a new solution to a problem in my head, rinse and repeat.
Lately I've been very negative about the job and starting from scratch. And though I haven't really shared, I am also very thankful for alot of things, including said job.
I ended my walk in denison. A small podunk town with very little in the way of commerce or a thriving job market. I've got 7 years experience in a call center, and coincidentally, I landed a job a 1/2 mile away from the house. In a call center, in this small podunk town. The unlikeliness that I would find a reasonably paying job,  with a guaranteed 40 hours, within a short walk from the house, in denison of all places, is amazing!
I'm extremely grateful for my buddy, which I hadn't seen in 20 years for taking me in and making sure I didn't want for any basic necessities while I scrounge my life back together into something resembling a fresh start. My mom was really helped in that fresh start too, by making sure I had money for food and clothing to get started again. At 46, it's a little ridiculous to be in this kind of position, but having friends, family, and a good running start is something I am extremely grateful for.
At the begining if this blog, I made it my mission statement not to delete any posts. To be completely honest, and share things I would normally keep to myself. I have no idea if anyone is even reading this thing anymore, and I guess it doesn't matter.
My point is that my posts are completely me without censorship. It's the same with social media, and me in person. There's alot going on in my head at any one time. So if I'm overly negative, I would appreciate a poke, to let me know it's getting to be a little much.
I'm pretty tired, so hopefully this post will make sense to me on the morrow.

The in between time

Between adventures, it's hard to stay positive and optimistic. I'm an all or nothing kind of guy, but have lately been striving for positive and upbeat. It's really an uphill battle sometimes. I am grateful of good friends and a great family, and that offsets some of the negative aspects of life in between adventures. But it also made me realize that their were people only along for the ride, and when my walk was ended,  so too were their interest in my well being. Anyone will tell you that I am very direct and have no room for BS in my life. So it irks me when I realize that some peeps were only there for the celebrity and not as a friend. I guess thems the breaks.
But on the upside (trying to think positive), I can also see those who have stuck with me into my life of normal. And it makes me appreciate them all the more.

Tolerance

Lately I'm just very impatient. The call center is okay, but I think my personality has changed whereas I used to be cool with the work. Very short interactions with lots of people used to okay,  but now it's just annoying.
After being on the walk and experiencing a normal life again, it makes me wonder who would ever choose this? Though computers have brought some instant satisfaction and fun, to a relatively boring day; they has also really degraded the day to day life, working in cubicles, just crap.
My problem is that thus far, this is all I've ever done, so finding a quick alternative for cash is not an option now.
Laptop, car. Then it's decision time.

The great outdoors

Sitting here on my day off, with a fan blowing hor air in my face. I keep thinking about the walk and missing it. Not really the walk itself, but the adventure of it. Everyday seeing something new, and living on the razors edge.
For a very long time, I've wondered what it is that I was missing from my younger days that left me tired and unhappy with life. What was it that was stripped away from me that left me barely hanging on. And then today,  I figured it out.
You would think that after my walk that life would be different. I am different I think, but I have the same mindset. Get a job and get comfy. And though there's nothing wrong with that, there was definitely the lack of intent. Making money to have things is not an intentional lifestyle. And that I'd exactly what I have been doing for the last 10 or so years of my life, living without happy.
The missing element was the vision.  Since I didn't have one, I developed this idea that I was content with the things money could buy. And maybe for some people that is enough. But for me, making money and saving to buy shit, is meaningless without the knowledge that it's in transition to a new place. Somewhere along the way, I had to have a destination. And that's when I started loosing the happy.
Sitting here, I'm thinking about the steps I need to take to get to a place where I'm comfy, and all i feel is dread. Because that is not a happy thought for me. Making money to buy shit. I'm not talking about necessities,  but things like thinking that if I make the right choices with money and career, that I will be able to buy a nice cabin in the mountains, and be able to travel. But that's a long wait for a train don't come. 
There are some hikers that get jobs just to to get enough money to support their next hike. And I think I'm of that mindset. 
The mistake I've made is thinking that a dollar amount would fix my problems. I started web design to design really kickass websites, but then to make the rent, I ended up making commercial trash. It's no wonder I got sick of it. I've kept hourly jobs that I hated for years because it paid better than another kind if job. I got stuck in suck.  And I definitely don't want to go there again.
The vision for me is to travel, everywhere. To be on the edge of tomorrow daily.  And to not regret each and every day.
That doesn't mean I will quit jobs I don't like, but in my mind they are temporary. I don't need much to live happily.
Stopping my walk, and coming back to normal is uncomfortable in that I realized, I don't want that normal. My happy place is in the journey and the razors edge.

My path

Almost every day I think about my walk with god and what it means to me. On the walk, I felt his voice loud in my ear, but now there's just a quite serenity. My heart is peaceful, and I'm content with that.
Initially when I first felt the presence if god, I was worried that my acceptance to do his will, whatever that might be, would turn me into a sword bearing christian soldier.

I have met so many Christians in my life that were so into the legalism of God's love that that they transformed themselves into a malformed version of what their walk with god should be. And I was worried that I would suddenly become close-minded,  immune to new ideas, and judgmental.

The bible has always held a fair amount of mixed emotions for me. It's an oxymoron and I'm amazed that book has survived as the goto guide for christianity. I do not believe it's the inerrant word of god, nor do I believe that it completely represents the truth of christ.

I personally choose to take the love, grace, and forgiveness aspects from Christ's teachings and pay no heed to any of the rest. I found a very cool website at jesuswithoutbaggage.com and it's a blog that has a community with like sentiments.

I hesitate to say I'm a christian at all. Because in today's world, christians have created rituals that were 'inspired' from the bible. And in daily life, they set bar for how your walk with god should be.

So, my thing was that I wanted to walk in God's presence, do as he would have me do, just without the bible or christian legalism to push me in a direction I didn't want. And I have. God didn't lead me to be judgmental an arbiter of rules. He didn't lead me to the bible or the way christians do things now. I didn't have to quit anything, nor have I been led to.

I will not be "witnessing" to anyone, nor will I be sharing my belief. My walk with god is mine. I am open to talking about god, but please refrain from trying to convince me that your view of Christianity is the only true way.

What I have found is peace and contentment. I am a little quicker to smile and less quick to anger. My heart is more sympathetic and understanding than I was. Life is a great adventure and I look to the future with hope.

Payday

My first payday in about 6 months and it feels good. But like on the walk everything is like water to a dry sponge, there's nothing left over. I don't remember being this destitute. It was only half a normal check (one week), and after food, toiletries, clothes,  and rent; I'm broke again.
But I guess things will get better as time passes.  Next payday, I intend on getting a laptop, and then start saving for a car. After all my time on the walk,  camping in a tent, I really have a strong urge to have a car. There's security in knowing I have a safe place to sleep should I need it. Don't get me wrong, my buddy has been great, and I don't expect that to change. But having the security of a car, something that's mine; I guess it's a security blanket of sorts.
Once I get a laptop, I will be able to do web design again and that will definitely help with saving money.
My intent is to break new ground, and not to repeat the life I had before the walk. My goal is to be happy and to live the life I've always wanted. I don't know what that's going to be, just what it's not. This is just the begining.

Epilogue, sort of

It's been about a month since I realized that I didn't have to keep punishing myself, to get to a place of meaning in my life. Somewhere along the way, I bought into the idea that I had done wrong in my life, taken too many wrong turns, that the only solution was to punish myself, by turning myself into a destitute wandering wayward spirit. Sure, there was definitely a positive adventurous side to my decision. Taking the path less travelled,  and opening myself up to destiny. But even after I found my happy place within, I kept walking. Mostly because I felt like I would let people down who encouraged and supported me on the trek. Finally, here in texas, I stopped.
Looking back, the near death puma encounter definitely had an influence on my decision. I'm a fairly big guy, 6'2 at about 245 lbs. Not what I would consider an easy meal for a puma. But I realized that I had been limping for most of the second half of my trip. Wounded prey. And it led to the understanding that I was not enjoying the journey as much, in fact, in some aspects, I dreaded going back to the walk.
It's a hard thing to walk away from walking away. Like coming back to reality after a nice vacation. I have been somewhat worried that I would just go back to a place of unhappy. And to some extent, that's true. I've got a soulless job, that after only a week, I really don't like. Endless cubicles.  But I need it now, and like on the walk where there were long stretches of nothing, and everyday I would push myself to make miles; this is no different. I'm pushing myself to make money through miserable days of emptiness. But unlike before, I know what i want. I know that it's only temporary and that my next destination is only time away.
My immediate goals are to get a laptop and a car. I'm starting from scratch, so I need to eat my Ramen noodles and be thankful it's not tuna on the shoulder of the road. I have been doing some web design on my friend's laptop,  but plan on kicking it into high gear once I get my own. And this time, no more of that commercial crap, but design that makes me happy. I also want to write a novel, and learn to play the guitar and travel. I still want to blog, but haven't decided if I should start a new site, or continue with this one.

My happy place

I started this walk as a last ditch effort to get out of the box that was my life. I had little expectations that I would find my happy place much less any meaning. But in desperation I still hoped, because I have always believed that my life was to be one of meaning and happiness.
And then early on in the walk I found faith, and from that, grace. I found many things I had lost over time, and in my walk with god, I finally found my happy place.
I have felt my whole life to have this need and acceptance from others, and in small ways, they would fill the emptiness inside me.  I always felt like I was half of a man, half of the person I was meant to be, so that even in my happiest moments, I still yearned. But I found that emptiness filled with god. And I am no longer hungry, going through the cabinets trying to figure out what exactly I have a hunger for, what exactly I'm missing. I am sated and whole.  And I am no longer alone.
My journey was about finding that perfect place, finding a spiritual wholeness, and if I lost a few pounds, that was an added bonus. I found a perfect place, a perfect stillness of my thoughts through faith. Not a physical locale,  but a serenity within. So that no matter where I am, I am happy. I found the ocean of god, not in a desert, but in the humid, rainy swamps of desperation, of humilty. And I lost a few pounds.
The motivation for walking to Utah is no longer there for me. I don't feel the need to punish my body further, walking through radioactive heat, just to end the walk in the sun drenched desert. Walking across america was never my goal. Utah was a general direction, not a spiritual endgame.  I no longer feel the need for penance, to punish myself for walking so far down that dark road that became my life.
I enjoyed parts of the walk to here. I felt so connected to my friends and family. With the blog, I completely opened my thoughts to the world without a censor,  and received encouragement. What a great feeling! I reconnected with friends i had pushed away, or thought lost. I met truly amazing and kind people on the road. I had moments of pristine clarity, and beauty. I have never before felt so close to the people around me, nor so grateful to have them in my life.
But now I'm done and ready to start a new adventure. Maybe not one with dangerous creatures, weather that stalks and harasses me. And maybe not one where I will have to worry about where I sleep each night. This adventure will be filled with good friends, good times and happiness. It may not be blog worthy or exciting like walking across 4 states; but it will be new and exciting.
The person that started this walk is not here. I am full, satisfied and happy; and I'm happy with the direction my life is going.
Thank you everyone who has encouraged me, donated, and shared this awakening with me! It has meant the world to me.

Wayward Yeti, signing off.

Bait

I can't stop thinking about the cougar. Been watching videos on how they hunt and how they kill. I'm 6'2 and not really a small guy. So why would this puma target me in broad daylight.
I was only just back on the road, with only two hours sleep the night before, so by the time I got to that bridge, I was exhausted, walking more miles than i should have. And though my ankle was feeling better, a muscle in my thigh was aching so I was limping somewhat. I was alone, and probably looked like wounded prey. I think I was a target of opportunity, and where I was sitting on the guardrail/bridge, could have been easily knocked over into the underside of the bridge.
It would have happened quickly, had the van not been there. I would be laying at the bottom of the bridge, thinking "what the heck is happening?", while the cougar had his jaw around my neck, squeezing the life out of me.
Then I start thinking, what can I do to protect myself? Be super aware at all times? What about camping? what about eating, or really anything for that matter. There's tall grass everywhere, 2-3 feet in most cases.i would never see it coming. Maybe a suit of armor would do the trick, maybe an animal would provide an early warning, and maybe not.
A pumas range is 370 miles, so it's a very small chance of encountering one again.  But one is really too many times for a city boy like me.
I was very very lucky! God was watching over me. Down the road,  I'm sure it will be a great story.  Right now I'm just very aware of how close I came to being cat food.
It's weird. Right after it happened, I felt calm and unworried. Maybe I was just so tired,  but I also felt the presence of God, as I do on the walk. It was after walking away that i started to get concerned.
I have lived a pretty safe life, and with the exception of a car accident, have never come close to death that I know of. But this, this was a primal kind if near death experience on a completely rational and then emotional level. Now, there's not fear, being safely indoors. But there is an intense awareness.

Back

I texted my friend in denison, and back hiked the remaining 7 miles to his place. I hurt all over, but at least I'm dry and nor wading through tropical storm Bill.my ankle is doing much better for the rest and new insoles but now some muscle in my thigh has been giving me issues.i like to think that when walking, I'm making strides with my head held high, but more likely I'm limping and straining the whole way.
The more I think about the cougar,  the more it freaks me out. Walking alone, it could pounce on me coming from the tall grass on the side of the road, and drag me into the grass, and likely not be seen by passing cars. If I saw one, I can react with my new air horn, bear spray, and a metal bar or screwdriver if need be. But cougars pounce,  so it's more likely, it would pounce from the grass, or from a tree, and I wouldn't even see it coming. It would be quick and unseen.
From what I gather, most people, even experienced hikers don't ever see a cougar. They are elusive, sneaky,  and smart. My thought was that when going out west,  I would just avoid large rock outcroppings and in the desert, you have a better view of things.  But encountering one here, just fifteen miles outside of a town I spent my youth is just scary. 
The whole way back into town, I kept stopping every twenty feet checking behind me, scanning the grass.  I also had the thought that it would be super sneaky to get a little ahead of me and attack when I was looking back, so I would do a full 360 scan. The fact that it came at me in broad daylight across a somewhat busy highway concerns me. I had always thought that the road was my safe zone. That those loud barreling Diseil trucks would scare away animals during daylight hours at least. It was about 5pm and fairly busy time of day. I guess it's possible that the cougar has adapted to the noise and commotion of cars, adapting to the encroachment of civilization.
I had come to the realization that if I was bit by a rattlesnake, I could just limp to the roadside and flag someone down. A bear, I would likely see coming, and coyotes, I would just have to deal. But a cougar...even being very aware isn't enough. Now with my other thoughts regarding the walk, I'm very hesitant. Buy maybe a good night's sleep will give me some clarity.

I am

Not walking in this rain. Especially a tropical storm. I'm up and down on the walk, and need some time to think. I checked behind this shopping center and it's already got some folk living back there.  I just need to rest, and down time to think. Sitting here being aware and awake is exhausting. I need to find a good day camp spot.

Seriously?

Tropical storm Bill. More rain, more flash floods, and it's heading right into north texas. Of all the years I could have chosen to walk across America. I was about to head out when it started raining. And as you all know, for me, rain is a walk killer.  Yes my gear will stay dry, and I would stay mostly dry. But it's just miserable to walk in. My phones about dead, from lack of vitamin d, and I don't have the fortitude to deal with it today. Oh, and my nipple hurt something feirce. I don't know what causes that,  but it's annoying. I've wrapped my ankle bandage around my chest to keep them from rubbing against my shirt.
I'm not sure what I'm gonna do. I'm tired and didn't sleep much last night. A cat me owed near my tent last night, and though I knew it was a cat,  I guess the stress of the day caught up with me.
I think my motivation for the walk is gone. I was looking for the ocean of god, and found it early on. I could stand to lose more weight, but I'm good with the loss of 50 lbs. And I've come to realize that my happy location, probably doesn't exist. That finding a place, is only half the battle. The rest is finding happy inside. Trite as it sounds, it's true, and as belligerent as my spirit has been to find the perfect place, I think the missing part has always been inside me. But I have that now. So it kind of nullifies my reason for the walk.
The question now is, if i don't walk, where then do I go?

Spent

The night behind walmart strategically behind a bush. There's rain in the air and my goal today is whiteright.  Getting past the puma is a little bit of a worry. But I don't see another option. Maybe it will have moved on. The thing is because of the tsll grasses, I would likely never see it coming. But I plan on staying very alert. And gonna pick up an air horn in a sec if I can. I see yesterday as God keeping me safe. Had it attacked me under the bridge, or after I made camp, I would be puma bait already. The fact that it came over the road at me was a blessing. And that car that shipped by in the nick of time and almost hit it. I like how the cougar website for America says there's no mountain lions in east and central parts of the US. But yet everyone knows someone that has seen one.

Back hiking

To the walmart 5 miles, erg! I admit that when checking under the bridge I could have spooked it, maybe had some young. Not sure why it felt the need to cross the roadway at me though.
Every 20 steps or so, I turn around and scan the high grasses.  It really freaked me out! 2 miles to go.

Cougar

The first bridge was all mud and about the same for the second one. I left my cart on the roadside and went down to check it out. I saw some tracks in the mud but paid no attention, as they could have been made by a dog.  Then I went to the other side of the road to see if it had a better ingress option. After checking it out, I went and sat up on the guardrail.  A few minutes later I see a large cat come from the middle of the road from under the bridge,  across the road towards me. But a car was passing and it had to change course away from me. The thing was fast and, I modified my opinion of its size as it leapt into the bushes...very large cat, about to my mid to lower thigh. I recognized it as a cougar, and double checked it with google. Then after making a quick decision and making a hasty retreat, I google them more thoroughly. And it's not good. They can take down animals much larger than themselves, and when you see them, they've probably been stalking you for a little bit. Currently I'm about a mile away, and headed back into town. Safety in numbers and civilization. I was planning on camping under that bridge. Good thing I decided to cross to the other side of the road and good thing a car was coming. I am a little freaked out.

Conflicted

Never did get that rest time. The sun was out and I figured I would walk, instead of sitting there in the heat. Walking, I've been thinking about the road ahead and the road I've already traveled. This is my first day back on the road after a very nice oasis with a good friend.  My time in Denison was very nice and fulfilling and I can see living there.  With the new money being channeled into the area, there's new growth and opportunity where before there was only a ghost. And there's lake Texoma which is probably the best swimming, good time lake I've ever been to. I have been so far from happy for so long, I'm not sure I know what it looks like. But the last week or so is definitely a highlight in the last several years.
But it could also be that I am not looking forward to some aspects of the walk. I can do the walk to Utah, and I know that I will make it. There are challenges, but I can face them. My time on the road thus far, has shown me that I can meet anything that comes my way. Even the night camping and the heat don't really hold any dread, just annoyance.
I guess the only real concern I have about the walk is the destination. If I was doing the walk so I could go from point A to point B, I don't think there would be doubt about continuing on. But I'm going from point A to my happy place. I'm not walking for a cause, I'm walking for myself. And though lake powell definitely holds a yearning, I worry that I will get there as the summer is ending. That limits the jobs in the area signifigantly. And if I'm unable to work, I will have to move on to another locale. And what if I get there, it's just a lake in a desert, no happy thoughts?
And lastly, I feel an obligation to those following my journey. I enjoy the walk immensely and would be sad to leave that behind. But it will end one day.
For the first time since I started, I feel fully prepared, physically, mentally, spritually, and with regard to my gear. I guess I will just keep walking until I figure it out.

Day 93

I only got a few hours sleep last night, so I'm a little tired. I use the map quest app to see the road ahead using the aerial view feature, checking our the terrain, looking for bridges and clumps of trees that don't look fenced. Looking ahead yoday, there are 3 bridges at 2, 6, and 10 miles. Most of the flooding has gone down, so that gives me hope that one of them will do the trick. Regardless though, the third bridge will have to work if the other two don't because it's the last option for another 10 miles after that.
There's a walmart just around the corner where I intend to get some new indokes, Off, and some new bandanas. Luckily the next hundred miles or do has a fair amount of civilization,  even as far as Wichita Falls. Right now though, I have a few hours to blow. sunset is around 830 and if the furthest distance I may go today is 10 miles, that's 5 hours at most. Which means I can take a break til 330 and still have plenty of time to make it to a good spot. If one of the closer bridges works out, all the better.

Back on the road

And it kinda hurts. Just finished walking  about 4 miles and I'm covered on sweat.  Don't know if it's the humidity or being out of shape, from laying on the couch the last nine days. Luckily it's been cool, if muggy,  and the sun hasn't really made an insistent appearance. my goal today is a bridge about another 9 miles away. I don't want to start my walk by having to seek out a campspot on a long road and barbwire fences. Just a nice easy day will suit me fine.
These last week or so relaxing has been so good for both my body and spirit. Brian was a generous and most excellent host, but that is the way of hobbits. I feel renewed, and ready for the walk again in a short time. That is not to say I wasn't tempted to stay and make my home in Denison, I was. Still am. And I guess if when I finish the walk, I may come back here. But I still feel unfinished. Like the transformation that started on the walk needs to be completed. That I am still, not the whole person o am meant to be. It's only 3 months, and the best part is still ahead. I guess living like a normal person for awhile has made me appreciate it.

Late night thoughts

I can't sleep,  and pretty excited about the days ahead. I got some much needed supplies at walmart today including some locking bins that will keep my clothes nice and dry should the tarp not do the trick. I really haven't been doing any walking for the last 9 days, with the exception of a few miles on two ocaissions. So I'm wondering how much the walk will affect me. My ankle feels much better, but will be paying closer attention to it. I've got 5 gallons of water now, a 2 liter of soda, and two coolers for ice, the ones with the screw on lids. Bought some food like deviled ham with individual packets of crackers. And Brian hooked me up with some MRE's, so I have enough sustenance foods for about 2 weeks. I really need some shut eye. Alas.

Countdown

"It is a barren wasteland, riddled with fire, ash, and dust. The very air you breathe is a poisonous fume. Not with ten-thousand men could you do this. It is folly. "

Been thinking about this quote from lord of the rings lately in anticipation of the next leg of the journey.  I'm excited and am having trouble thinking about anything else. Technically I'm good and have the gear and supplies needed to resume the walk. But there are little things that make life a little easier that I plan to get. Another large thermos style cooler with a screw on lid, for more ice capacity. A bin or tub to help better organize my cart and keep my gear dry. Maybe a tan tarp if they have one, to better conceal my tent in the desert. And if I could find a way to rig a cup holder to my rickshaw poles, that would be awesome!
I'm also getting tired of tuna. So may try some other canned foods that taste better. I've been getting more of an appetite lately and need food with flavor.
Spoke on the phone with Keith from the atlantic2pacific walkers. They are in texas as well, but walking a more southerly route. We share the same apprehensions about camping, water, and dangerous wildlife, and exchanged ideas. It was nice to talk shop with someone experiencing the same journey.
Though the walk ahead has some definite challenges, I am ready to go out and meet them.  This last week or so off, has been a saving grace and so thankful to Brian for offering his home and hospitality to me. 

2 more days

The great thing about being on the road,  Is there is only the present and the immediate future. I'm growing apprehensive sitting on this couch, worrying about the path ahead of me. Stealth camping presents a big challenge in a flat desert landscape where there's nowhere to hide. I can always wait till dark and head off the road a little where the shadows are heaviest. But then I have more of a chance of bumping into rattlesnakes. If there's an abandoned building, I can camp behind one, but they are few. The towns are about 50 miles betwixt each one and not much cover within. I plan on carrying 5 gallons of water until amarillo, then 8 gallons for the rest of the journey. I will probably walk a bulk of my miles before noon, then take a rest, then a few miles at the end of the day. I'm taking alot on faith, but it makes sense to plan extra for the desert walk.

Day 90

Another few days and I will push myself to leave this oasis. It's a hard thing to leave comfort and good company,  but the quest isn't yet finished. I step outside and when the sunlight touches my skin, I feel instantly hot to an uncomfortable degree.  My tan has faded, so I will need to use Suntan lotion again. Brian is giving me a hunting stool so I can sit on the shoulder to rest without melting. I will get used to it.

Destination

Been thinking alot about my destination and m6 hopes when getting there. I will be arriving at the end of summer so I may have a problem getting a job, as it's a resort town. And if for some reason it's not the place for me, where then? Head north to provo, or on to cali? I guess I have a couple of months to think on it.
Tonight we grilled some large ribeye steals on the grill along with baked potatoes.  I have been craving steak since the walk started. It was a very satisfying meal and I'm so thankful to be able to eat well before the resumption of the walk. I will probably still be able to do 15 miles a day in this heat, but can't really plan for more. Not looking forward to the heat, but ready to start walking again. My ankle with what I can only assume has a stress fracture, is still a little sore, but healing.

My gear now

My gear now versus when I started:

Main:
Dog Jogging Stroller w/ solid inner tubes -  a cart is a must,  and solid inner tube as well. But be wary, the solid inner tubes don't place as much tension on the rim and can cause the rims to warp in extreme conditions. I've learned to treat my cart like walking an elderly man down the stairs.

El Cheapo Tent - my tent has gone through alot, but it's easily to put together. I only wish it was a darker color and rain proof.

Sleeping bag- I replace my huge 20 degree one for a small compact 50 degree version as the temperatures increased.

Sleeping mat- It's a blue foam walmart deal and us pretty amazing. I cut it longways so it wouldn't be so wide, and about 6 inches off the top so it wouldn't be so long.  My only complaint is that in the humidity, if it gets wet, it takes forever to dry.

Tarp- since my tent isn't waterproof, this this does the trick. It's also dark camo, which helps hide the tent. I wish I just had a better tent because with this covering it, it gets hot. The other bonus though is in a cold spell it cuts the cold by about 10 degrees.

Bug spray- vital in southern climates, but not as much in texas.

Bounce Dryer sheets- haha, they don't work for anything.

Atlas- a space waster.  Everything I need is on my phone.

Suntan lotion- I used this every morning at first, but sweated the stuff off my face. Now I'm so tan, there's just no point. I keep it for days I may have to walk without a shirt.

Trash compactor bags- these work in place of a dry sack. I still have one, it's got some holes, but I use it to cover my cart at night, and keep rain off it. I also use it to sit on in the grass.

Ziploc freezer bags- these carry all my toiletries and medicines.

2 Smaller backpacks- now I have a large walmart backpack, and the other is my tent bag.

2 Rubbermaid bins- not needed.

Bear Spray- still have it just in case. Good for all forms of animals, including the human kind.

Folding stool - lol, don't bother.

Tools:
Gerber knife /w whistle - still have it, never used it. Kind of a security blanket.

Magnesium fire starter - bah!

Lighter - just in case. Them desert nights are supposed to be cold.  And I can camp on blm lands which are visible,  so no fretting a fire.

Spoon- the only utensil I need.

water tablets- never took them as they didn't come in time.

Para-cord- I use bungee cords for all my paracord needs.

Duct Tape- I've got a small roll. Thus far only used to patch up tent.

Keychain flashlight- only used for night walking.

screwdriver/plyers- still git em for any pros with my cart.

Clothing:
Rain poncho- had several. May as well use a trash bag to cover yourself for all the good they do.

Bandannas- only one made it. Vital for keeping bugs away. Also good for cooling down, by keeping the back of your neck from the sun.

Hat- Monroe is absolutely needed.

Sandals - gone. Buy better quality than I did and they may do the trick. But walking the side of the road encourages pebbles to hitchhike and every ten steps, I was having to stop to remove them.

Sneakers- buy Hugh quality,  the only way to go.

Sunglasses- unless it's super bright, don't bother.

Sock Liners- handy at the begining. Now my feet are hardened.

Socks- I have a thick pair of tent socks for when it's chilly, and 3 pairs of thin polysomething or other fir my walk. I go through socks fast.

Sport Underwear - lost so much weight, I have to pull these things up, but they still do the trick. Odor resistant and no chaffing.

Toiletries:
Toothbrush- yep

Toothpaste - yep

Washcloth- yes, but used very infrequently.

Toilet Wipes- or baby wipes. To keep clean every night. But also handy if you need to do your duty under a bridge.

Scissors- yep

Razor- yep

Bar soap- now I just keep hotel soaps from my infrequent hotel stays.

Deodorant- yep.

Cologne- gone

Trimmer- gone

Shampoo- I use soap instead and only in hotels, but on the road, there is no shampooing your hair.

Microfiber towel- gone

Medical: I still have all this, but it's used infrequently.
Vaseline
First aid cream
Tweezers
Roll Bandages
Iodine
Aspirin
Benadryl

Electronic:
Smart phone- vital
Charger
Solar Charger- vital
MP3 player- yep
Computer- the walk is no place for a computer. Water damage.

I spent the days before the walk preparing for any eventuality.  And I got most of the basics. But really,  unless you're going completely backwoods, you're going to be close to stores, and can get what you need on the way. It's funny to me to see the things I thought I would need, but turned out to only weigh me down.

Progress is unkind to nostalgia

Walking the streets of denison,  on the one hand I'm glad that it's not a little texas ghost town, but on the other, I see so much has changed. It seems that even this far from dallas, it has become a new suburb of the rich and trendy. The one place I expected to stay the same, is almost completely different. I spent some good years here, with good friends and good times. I lived in dallas after for about 10 years, and never really came back here. Then I was off to Virginia and oregon. I expected to come back to those far gone memories and a spooky little town trying to hang on. What I got was an almost complete remodel of the entire area. I have gotten a chance to reconnect with a good friend, and so that has made the journey here more than worth it. But I guess the lesson is to hold on to the good memories, and keep going forward.

Top 10 things I dislike about the walk

10. Stealth camping. I've gotten used to it, but still don't like it. If I can find a spot early enough it's great. But usually there's only about an hour before dark nowadays that I have to find a place and it's just plain stressful.
9. Dirty laundry. Just walking 15 miles in the heat on one day covers you in sweat. But then compile that with several days, well, it just gets odorous. I use baby wipes every night to bathe, and my clothes are synthetic mostly so that helps,  but the clothes absorb the sweat and salt from my skin,  and theres no good option until I hit a laundromat.
8. Alone in a void. There are some days, I don't talk with anyone, and no one stops, and it's like my whole existence is to walk alone. That's why when I do see people, and they're nice, it fills me with energy.
7. Fences. It's pretty frustrating to find a great spot, just to find a hidden barbwire fence. I could cross them I suppose, but Texans take it personal when you do that. It makes it so that I have to plan my end of day better, usually so I'm near a town, where it's more likely to have unfenced areas.
6. Diseil engines. Just about every truck has one and the are insanely loud. Under a bridge,  you hear it barreling down on you miles away, and when the pass you on the roadway there's this thunderous basso. Mostly I've gotten used to it, but it still catches me off guard.
5. Grind days. These are days where, either I've been in a long stretch of nothing or I'm hurrying towards a safe haven. When I was in the Navy in boot camp, we had a large area of asphalt called the grinder, where we spent most of the day excercising. It was pretty miserable, and pushing myself to make the miles has that same feel.
4. The heat. It's getting into the 90's here and soon will reach the 100s. Similar to the crazy humidity,  the dry oppressive heat is just as daunting.  It's like a weight pushing you down. But unlike the south, sitting on the shoulder is worse. You could seriously fry an egg there. So it's walk more with less sit down rest stops.
3. Roadkill. Every mile there has been some kind of roadkill. Squirrels,  chipmunks, skunks, deer, a bear, dogs, falcons, cats, turtles,  armadillos,  birds, possum, snakes, mice, you name it. And though I've gotten used to seeing it; the odor carries and can turn a beautiful morning into something nauseating.
2. Dark days. Especially when I'm out on a stretch, one thing that keeps me sane is being connected via Facebook or even just text messaging. So when it's cloudy and rainy, my solar charger does nothing and I feel alone in the wild with a low or dead battery.
1. Snakes. I'm fairly ambivalent about snakes, and had them as a kid. But the poisonous kind fill me with apprehension. So far my goal has been to stay away from water sources thus avoiding water moccasins,  but now rattlesnakes are common on my upcoming route, and I'm just not happy about it. It means being even more wary on the side of the road.

Walking

Everyday, my walk started with breaking camp,  taking a deep breathe and walking quickly from my hidden spot to the open shoulder of the road. From then until late afternoon I would walk. Sometimes purposefully, sometimes dragging my feet, but I would walk throughout the day. Only in walking, in movement could I find peace, the serenity of action; they rhythm of a body walking. When I was younger, I always did my best thinking while walking. Walking to clear my head, walking to sort out a problem or heartache. But as I grew older, busier, lazy; I stopped walking. And I would instead stare blankly at a computer screen. As the technology became more advanced, the movements of my body became less. Until I found myself with a laptop on my 24/7. I had my work area on the right side of the screen, Netflix in a little window on the left and an online game at the bottom left.  my mind was being filled constantly with a TV show,  an interactive game, or designing a website. I became a master of multitasking.  I was constantly being filled with some kind of interactivity or another. All the while, remaining very still, and almost motionless. My mind no longer took shelter in the quiet midnight walks, and things that bothered me stayed unresolved. Then I just got stuck. Stuck on a madhouse of my own design. I remembered the good times of my younger days, when I felt the most free. I tried to rekindle interests from my past to try and light the fire again in my spirit. I wanted to be free again, I wanted to be happy again. I had so many things left unresolved in my head and heart. Forgiveness that I couldn't grant, anger, and a deep lingering loneliness. Everyday I would wake up and set new goals just to get through the day. And I dreamt of the day I could quit my life and start anew. People walk out on jobs all the time. I wanted to walk out on the dreariness that had become my life. I read books on others who walked across the country,  and daydreamt about it. Intellectually I saw the benefits, the weight loss, the freedom. But I also saw the darker side, that if I wanted to,  I could simply crawl into a hole and wither away. Then it came to pass that I had no other real choice. Like some part of my subconscious was leading me to the walk. Had I more time to really think on it, I probably would have not started. Even before the walk, the idea of it scared the crap out of me. I was excited about it, and that overrode my fear. But it was a brave new world, and I knew It would be all or nothing. The first few days of the walk were nice. It was like going camping. But as the weeks progressed and the heat, the cold,  the rains, and the dangerous situations happened, the walk quickly turned into a miserable lifestyle choice. I learned about faith and that surely saved me. But something else happened. Something unexpected and visceral. I was walking.  I had plenty of time to think. But even things that I didn't know we're bothering ne, but that weighed heavily on my heart, we're getting resolved. Just by walking, my spirit slowly unraveled itself, without any conscious effort. I began feeling happiness. For the first time in years, I woke up in the morning without the weight of hurt or anger. And I was able to see the good in people, in life. And I was able to forgive myself for all the things I let go, all the poor choices, and not living up to my own standards. I was able to see the beauty again, and living in the moment, my slate was wiped clean. Walking. Walking was the first step in me starting over. Now,  I'm happy. I'm content.  And I'm excited about my future.

Top 10 things I like about the walk

I'm on my buddy's couch, in the AC and just relaxing, reflective of the last few months. I've skimmed through my previous posts for the first time and they bring me right back to specific days, and I remember them clearly. There's a fair amount of being scared, worried, and apprehensive, but there are also times of profound contentment. Being off the road for the last two days, and knowing I have a safe place to sleep for the rest of the week, and not having to be alert all the time has got me thinking about the best aspects of the walk. So here they are:

10. Walking. Though I don't miss walking all day long, there is just something fulfilling about walking and thinking alone.
9. Everyday is a new adventure. There is nothing really the same, and the landscape is always changing. There's a definite feeling of making progress, even if I do nothing else.
8. The unknown. Everyday is a new challenge.  And though sometimes those days have been insurmountable,  it's a great feeling to meet the unknown, and rise to the challenge.
7. Nature. I've never been a nature guy. But on the walk, I'm like this explorer in a wild new land. Sitting by the side of the road and having a butterfly land on your hand, or seeing boars on the side of the road. It's scary sometimes but also kind of exciting.
6. taking my time. I have to remind myself that there's no hurry, and days I've done around 15 miles are usually very relaxed and peaceful. It's when I push myself to make miles that the walk becomes s grind.
5. With each mile I'm burning calories and losing weight. I like that I'm 50 lbs lighter. It just feels good.
4. By blogging, doing facebook, and such; the encouragement and support has been a big part of my walk. I feel connected to people like I never have before.
3. The people that stop to to bring me a cold drink, give me a few bucks, or just to talk. Meeting, Nice, amazing people is just a great thing, and energizes me.
2. Walking with god. On the road,  I just feel closer to god. Walking is just such a solitary endeavor that even with all the cars passing by, I feel alone in the world and I feel so connected with god walking the path with me.
1. With each step, I'm getting closer to the person I've always wanted to be. The me who is happy.

Lazy days

Slept til 2, and woke up to the AC at full blast. It was probably my most relaxing sleep since I started the walk. After picking me up last night, got to his house and talked late into the night. I was tired,  but it was very relaxing and enjoyable to catch up. Today Brian treated me to golden coral, and though I've never been a big buffet fan; I was like a kid in a candy store. It was an indulgence of lots of food. My stomach the size of peanut got stretched so that I felt like my skin was separating from my ribs. Walking from the restaurant, overfill and limping from yesterday's walk, must have been funny to watch. After getting back to the house we had more good conversation and started sharing musical talents. Normally my days of rest in a hotel haven't lasted more than two days. And so after getting there and sleeping, the next day was spent preparing for the next days departure; doing laundry, repacking, and enjoying the AC and civilization for as long as possible. Without the pressure of being on the road tomorrow, I really got a chance to relax physically and mentally. It's just a nice feeling to be able to take some time to do nothing.

ExfilGreenville

Made it to Greenville through the exquisite pain of the heat rash,  aching muscles and sore feet. Was taking a break on a guardrail when my friend from Denison, Brian messaged me. The new plan is that he's picking me up tonight and after the visit,  dropping me off back here. It's a pain, but need to stay true to the walk. The obvious benefit is that I can start my muscle rehab tonight versus the day after tomorrow. I am sorely in need of rest. It's about an hour drive down here and an hour back, and very cool of him. I am so very thankful!

Beat down

That's what the sun has done to me, best me down. I have a nice heat rash betwixt my legs and it's killing me. The first aid ointment didn't help so now I'm trying vaseline. I have about 4 miles to go and I will make it. But it's gonna hurt. After my failed experiment last night of getting a good place to sleep,  only got 4 hours; and then today's bionic walking, I could sleep anywhere. But I'm getting to Greenville first. There's not much in the way of good cover for camping, but after dark falls, I will just find a dark shadow if need be. Hopefully tomorrow fairs better.

Whew!

Got cutoff from my last post because some guy wanted to chat. Sometimes it's the better part of Valor to just listen when someone obviously just needs to talk. So I didn't finish unspoken rules.  Maybe later.  My feet are killing me. But yet 10 more miles to go today.  Making great time probably because there are no shady spots and therefore no point in stopping. Can't sir because who wants to fry on the asphalt. Not me. So I keep walking. Saw a sign a little bit ago that said Denison, 61 miles. I spent some formative years of my youth in Denison and looking forward to seeing it again. But it also represents a halftime rest period and time for my ankle and feet to heal up. And of course to see my old friend Brian. It's been like 25 years since I've seen him, and that was when we were on the road together. It will be so nice to catch up and rehash old times.  Because if my excitement, I'm grinding these miles away, taking short breaks and pushing to get each mile into the day as possible. Today, I should hit close to 30, then it's only 45 miles, which I hope to complete by Sunday.

Unspoken rules

The one rule above all else is, walk. Although I suppose you could run if your heart desires it. But there are a few unspoken rules for the walk that discern a walker from a continental traveller.
1. Walk throughout. I've read about cross country walkers that would walk east/west, but then take rides north/south. I personally think that's crap. But I do agree that there are times when taking a ride is reasonable.
A. When no pedestrian traffic is allowed, like some btidges.
B. When you are in immediate peril, or by walking you route, could put you in imminent danger.
C. When going off your route to visit a friend or safe camping spot. An example is like when I go to a state park, but then had to go several miles from the entrance to the camping area. Or when going completely off route, to visit my uncle in longview. It was 10 miles from the highway. Youre golden as long as you hike out or start again from the same spot you left.
2. Time off is just to heal enough to get back to the walk. I've seen youtube videos of people taking 2 weeks off to go on a family vacation. That kind of stretches it for me. I guess everything is relative.
That's all I got for now, please feel free to add to the list.

Unusual night

Was waiting at dairy queen for the busy bodies to be on there way, so I could make a dash for the church. And while waiting outside,  a guy cones up and introduces himself as Tim, and asks if I wanna go to his cousins house and get high. I told him no on the getting high but would like to hang out. I was hoping on getting an invite to pitch my tent in the cousins yard. Went to the guys house and it was like a circus of people coming and going. Tim kept introducing me as the guy who's walking across América,  he doesn't smoke, but he's cool. The cousin tim, introduced me to a show called robot chicken, and it was weird but funny. After a few hours things quieted down and he said I could crash on his back porch. I'm sleeping commando, no tent, and gotta be up in 6 hours. The dogs next door start barking crazy when i try and setup my tent, so i gave up. I just thought I'd try something different. Shake it up a little bit. They are both nice guys, if inebriated. I'm glad I met them, but could have used the extra sleep, had I gone the sleep behind the church route.

Emory

Still in emory. Finished a nice Mexican meal and after looking at the map, was again disconcerted to see only farmland for the next 10 miles. No trees in which to camp. So after walking just to be on the move, I turned around after finding a church. There's a picnic area in town which is where I'm sitting, waiting for sunset. My options are slim, so I'm going to probably try behind the church after dark. From what I understand, that's a common practice for walkers, but I've only done it once out of desperation. The cart makes things challenging, versus just packing it. But I think it's well worth it. Now there's just the waiting. Been thinking about all the amazing people that have stopped on the road to give me a hand up. Intellectually, I've done the math and it doesn't matter whether I'm wearing my Homer hat or not. I named my hat Homer btw, Homer 2 to be precise. From an outsiders view, people probably help transient types all the time, and I could very well have just been the beneficiary of that goodwill. But every time I've prayed for help, I've gotten it. Days I didn't pray, most times I didnt. With few exceptions, my Florida walk was curiously missing the helping hand. Could be because I was fat, and didn't fit the part. Could be because Florida's are just not help the guy on the roadside kind of people. Possibly. I would say that 90% of the hand outs I've received have been some variant of Christian.  So does that mean I'm in some exclusive club now, and getting help from other members via the grapevine? I was in a gas station a few days back and after I paid for my drink, a large black guy comes up to me and hands me some ones. He says that Jesus told him to give the money to me. So it it possible that the roadside help I've gotten is circumstance and fitting a profile? It is. But I choose to believe it's something more. That it's gods grace, helping me.

Laundry day

So I may have been incorrect about my clothes not being that bad. So I stopped in emory to do some laundry. The ever dry shorts I picked up last month must be mislabeled because they are never dry. They suck up any moisture in the air and just look dirty all the time. The laundromat is probably the dirtiest one I've ever seen, but it does have ice cold AC,  so I'm feeling the whole glass half full vibe. Since my realization yesterday about how long the day has gotten, I'm not freaking out about heading out of town and finding a spot right away. After laundry, I plan to grab a bite and then be on my way. Greenville is about 30 miles, and my halfway point. It's pretty darned exciting! The ankle brace I got is doing wonders, and if not for the oppressive heat, I could go further than I'm doing. After 11 am I have to stop about every 2 miles, and take a 15 minute with an ice cold beverage to cool down and keep from getting over heated. It's frustrating, but I'm glad for the cooler and the ice. The cooler is vital to walking these texas roads. Without the quick cool down option, I would have to sit in the shade doubly long, and the walk would be one of misery. I'm finding picnic areas all over now. And they're a nice respite considering there is no shade for miles around. Another glass half full item is that I'm heading NW,  so not feeling the sun for 15 straight hours, but now getting some shade from the trees later in the afternoon. A lady stopped in front of me and started talking to me about god. She gave me  5, then a few min later, another five,  the a few minutes later some ones. She also wanted to bless me, but didn't have the time. Made me wonder there for a moment if she was friends with uncle sid's ex. But she was kind and wished me well on my journey. And I'm thankful for the cash, which is my laundry and fast food dinner tonight.

Hwy 69

In Alba now, and hoping to make some good time today. Very humid this morning. There Is Little To No Cell coverage the last several miles, and probably won't be till I'm closer to Greenville. I noticed that last night, there was plenty of sunlight til about 9. Which means there's 15 hours of daylight. So if I needed to make some miles and my feet could handle it,  I could probably do 30 miles a day minimum. But as it stands,  I'm not in a big hurry, and comfortable with 15-20. Maybe further west I will pull big mile days, where there's alot of miles between towns. Today I just have alot of energy, and not sure why. Maybe it's that halfway point that's inspiring me. I stopped drinking energy drinks in favor of Gatorade.  In addition to being pricey,  I don't really need those energy boosts anymore. Emory is about 10 miles away and should make it by 2 or 3. I bought ice, so that will make the heat tolerable. 

Golden

Not much to say. Just that people are amazing! Not only did I wakeup to find donations into my account, but on the road out of town, I was given some what a burger by the same ladies who hooked me up yesterday. The one real downside to texas, besides the heat, is the all the private fences. There's barb wire fences everywhere. I found a good night time spot earlier,  but would have to wait several hours. Luckily I came upon this rv park. Most rv parks don't allow tent camping. But I decided on a new tack instead of calling and was looking for someone for a face to face. Merle was driving by, as I was poking in the office window. We talked for a little bit, because that's what you do in texas. Then he offered me a spot for free. It's still hot, but I'm in my tent and grateful for the kindness.

Golden

Not much to say. Just that people are amazing! Not only did I wakeup to find donations into my account, but on the road out of town, I was given some what a burger by the same ladies who hooked me up yesterday. The one real downside to texas, besides the heat, is the all the private fences. There's barb wire fences everywhere. I found a good night time spot earlier,  but would have to wait several hours. Luckily I came upon this rv park. Most rv parks don't allow tent camping. But I decided on a new tack instead of calling and was looking for someone for a face to face. Merle was driving by, as I was poking in the office window. We talked for a little bit, because that's what you do in texas. Then he offered me a spot for free. It's still hot, but I'm in my tent and grateful for the kindness.

Mineola

Is a nice little texas town. The people are friendly and it's got that a nice home town feel. I got a much needed haircut, an ankle brace, vitamins and groceries. I was tempted to do laundry, but what's the point really? my clothes are still in the "not that bad" category, and it's 5-7 days till denison. It's almost 2 and I don't expect to make many miles today, but still going to try, even though what I'd like is to find a nice shade spot and take a nap. The walk is an all-in kind of enterprise and though rewarding, is also tiring. Greenville is 50 miles from here and marks my halfway point for my journey. It's like I'm on the big middle of a book, so it's not as exciting as the beginning or the end. But pretty soon, I will be "out west", and that's very exciting!

It's 10:32 am

And I'm sitting in front of the motel AC, waiting for the 11 am checkout. It was nice to get a shower and surprisingly there were no bed bugs. Going to stop at walmart on the way out and get some supplies, then on 69 to Greenville which is about 50 miles away, halfway to denison. I am a little apprehensive because there's alot of farmland on the way. Great for walking but bad for camping. I've also been thinking about the end of my journey and what I'm going to do when I get there. But, that is a pretty stressful thought and will just take it on faith that things will work out.  On the up side, I received two donations to my burrito fund; thanks so much Kenneth and Tim & Shirley! 

Don't judge me!

You know who you are. I had to get a motel room. Well, that or do the night walk thing, which never turns out good. I found a second picnic area around 5, thinking I could camp in the nearby woods. But the woods had some kind of 4 wheeler course. So I moved on. Everything was underwater for the next 3 miles. Then just as I was about a block from all houses,  I looked up and saw a crappy motel. Of my options it was the best one. I had intended to build another 7 layers of dirt, but I guess fate had other plans. My ankle is really not having fun these last few days. Tomorrow I'm going to try for an ankle brace and vitamins at walmart. Then it's another 7 or so days north to Denison. Denison is my old stomping grounds, and an old friend offered his couch to recoup from the journey; and I'm am so thankful. I'm bushed.

Hot and hotter

Today gas been an exercise in just making it through each mile. In Hawkins this morning I decided to proceed without getting ice, and that was a mistake. The highway widened out and the trees are now far from the roadway and there's no shelter from the sun for miles and miles. I did have some people stop and give me cold drinks. I guess sitting on the side of the roadway in the hot sun, is the international sign for help. I was just resting, but thankful to them cold drinks. Now I'm definitely glad I chose the northern route. I'm about 5 miles from Mineola and plan on camping soon. I'm just that worn out. In the morning when it's nice and cool I can make the walk to town. Decided to take 69 thru Mineola, greenville, then denison. There's lots of flooding in dallas and I want to avoid that.

Hawkins Tx

Woke up and headed into Hawkins tx. It's a small town,  but giving me a reprieve from the sun. It's going to be a scorcher for this walker today. But I got donations to the burrito fund, and now can put ice back on the menu, yay! Yesterday whole taking a breather at an abandoned church, a young couple brought me dome cold drinks, and that hit the spot. Then about 15 minutes later, a car pulled up and a kid comes out with a sonic bag and an ice cold soda.  That really hit the spot! Gonna pick up some vitamins as soon as possible, probably in Minneola.  But that's 20 miles away and a tomorrow kind of thing. My ankle is still giving me crap, but will just have to walk thru it. Twenty miles...sigh.

My father

I suppose back in the day, he was a decent man. He just had a problem with alcohol. Still does I guess. My mom and he divorced when I was young. I had a good childhood but don't have any good memories of him. All the memories I do have, revolve around being chastised in some way. After the divorce, he stayed in touch for a few years, but then nothing. A card here and there maybe. So I grew up without a father, mostly. There were those that filled the opening for a time, but it always seemed a tenative position. My mom had to be both mom and dad, and she did a good job. But there was something missing. I'm not saying having a father in your life is mandatory, especially one who doesn't care. But there are things that get missed out on. Like learning how a man is supposed to act in a relationship with a woman, or how a man is supposed to act with his child. How to deal with everyday frustrations. Men are from Mars and women from venus. My mom did a good job, but there are just certain things she couldn't teach. So here I am years later, thinking about this, not for the first time, and I no longer feel that missing piece of my life. In my walk with god, I feel that emptiness filled,  and it's nice. It's nice to have that protection,  to know someone is looking out for you, and someone to help guide my decisions.

Taking it easy

My right ankle is sore and I think it may have to fo with my diet.  It's hard to tell when some part of my foot or leg is sore everyday from the walk.  But it's the same place the last few days. Rex gave me some bananas and the potassium may help. But I definitely need to get some vitamins when I am able. I will probably make it to Hawkins today as its only about 10 miles. I really hate doing a short day with all this sunshine but don't want to risk an injury. Been doing a lot of thinking about the bible and trying to come up with resolutions that make sense to me.

Forgiveness

That's a tough one. Sure I can forget,  and if I never have to deal with that person again, I can forgive to some extent. But with a betrayal, forgiveness is hard. It's a way of moving on, and allowing yourself to heal. But I tell you, there are some things in my past I just cannot get past. Maybe once I'm a real boy again, can I find a way. With me, a betrayal breaks something inside. And some things get broke and can't be fixed. Repurposed, but not the same. Before I started this walk I was all kinds of broken. All my dreams were a failure,  my hope gone, and I felt like it could never get better. So in a last attempt to salvage my life, I started this walk. And I've found that I don't need to fix what was broken. I don't want to glue together the pieces to make the same hapless shell that I was. Instead I have found new purpose that doesn't involve cloning.  So maybe I can forgive, just not forget. Like burning your hand, the wound heals, but it's a lesson.

Leaving Longview part 2

On my way out of town,  I was taking a breather on the side of the road,  and Rex pulls over to see how I'm doing. We chatted a little bit, he gave me some cash and invited me to his house a few miles ahead. About an hour later I stopped by, and he invited me in, fed me and we proceeded to have a great talk about god and the bible. It was really nice to discuss belief and my new path in an open forum. We talked for a few hours and said our goodbyes. He's definitely given me some things to consider and think about. And like always, meeting amazing people really puts a good spin on the day. I was also worried about money, and the cash was an answer to a prayer. I am thankful and hopeful of my path ahead.

Leaving Longview

Will be leaving shortly, and though sad to sad goodbye, excited about getting back on the road. Aunt Stacy and I spent most of yesterday talking, so hopefully I've gotten enough one on one interaction to last me through the solitary days ahead. I've decided to head to dallas via 80 even though going 69 to Greenville is a shorter trek. The 69 route is backcountry and I would like to avoid that. With all the rains and flooding, animals like boars may be closer to highways and out of their natural stomping grounds. And I like the civilization more frequent. I'm ready for another week or two on the road, with all that entails.

Day 77

In Gilmer TX at my uncle and aunts house. I was planning on leaving this morning but there is another storm front coming today and they offered to let me stay another night. Awesome! Last night we went out to eat and had tex-mex and it was great! I ate too much and somehow still had leftovers. I am still tired from a lack of sleep this week and going to take a much needed nap.

Phew

Walked about 20 miles thus far and I'm pooped. My legs or feet hurt to some extent everyday and today it's a nice stiffness that has stayed with me throughout the day. Alot of times just walking thru it helps,  other times the heat of the movement and sun, warm them sufficiently so as not to be too bad. But today, just ouch! The temperature here just keeps getting hotter and hotter for every minute the sun's out, so later in the day is that much hotter. Last time I looked it was 96, not sure now. My uncle offered to pick me up after he got off, and good thing, because on a normally I would stealth camp asap. I wish I could figure a way to attach an umbrella so the sun wasn't constantly beating down on me. And think, it's just going to get hotter. Today is one of those days, I've asked myself repeatedly, what was I thinking?! Lol.

Longview today

I'm about 5 miles out, and loving these small towns with stores every ten miles. There are plenty of hills though and that's a challenge. The foam innertubes aren't as good as the air filled ones, and ride lower to the ground like a partially filled tire, so its almost a chore pulling the cart. Going uphill I push the cart and down I pull it. At least I wont have to worry about flats. I'm at an Exxon, and bought an Icee. White cherry and coke mixed. It is so nice. These things can only truly be enjoyed when its this hot. Well, hot going up all these hills. Its actually cloudy and nice weather. A nice breeze or wind helps alot in the walk and can do more miles between breaks. My uncle and aunt live in Longview, so will be staying the night with them. They are about 10 miles north of the city, so its a longer walk than I had expected today. Will be clocking close to 30 miles. But a shower, a possible bed, and good company are worth it.

Special

Almost from the day we are born, we are instilled with the notion that we are special.  That we are meant for greatness and our lives will mean something.  Or that we will be the turning point in other people's lives, that our existence wasn't for nothing. My whole life I've been a dreamer and a daydreamer. In my imaginings I made a difference for others.  But in my day to day, I did very little in the way of making a difference,  and I never did achieve that potential. Even this walk, as special as it is, isn't what I'm meant to be or fo, it's a journey to that. Maybe all of life is just that journey and that potential is a life of meaning realized. On this walk, I have prayed alot. Alot. Mostly I have prayed for the rain to go away. Because as we all have learned, rain is a walk kilker. That's when I realized that my prayers were being answered. When a full on storm front was headed directly at me, and the suddenly it would part. Or that it would come at me like a wall for a thousand miles, and then just as it was upon me, go around my location like the eye of the storm. It sounds crazy, I know. But it's happened many times. Too many times to be the luck of the draw. There are other things too, but the praying to stay dry, and having the storm front,  not touch me, really dislodged my logic, and caused me to believe; and that was the inception of my faith and walk with god. It also,  made me feel special. That I mattered, and what I'm doing matters, my walk, my life matters. Normally, I'm a very rational kind of guy. Big on critical thinking, and facts. But there are things that though could be explained,  in many ways defy logic. And I choose to see those things as the acts of a benevolent god, helping me on my journey.

Rose hill methodist church

I'm about 5 miles outside marshall behind this little church in my tent.  I couldn't find anywhere else to camp. It's all fenced. And a tire went flat,  so I changed both of them into the foam innertubes. I'm very leary about stealth camping here. It's texas after all and I don't wanna get shot. I'm debating on putting a note on the door. There's a big storm front coming in from Dallas and I don't want to be in it. I've got my new rain gear, but it would also mean walking at night. I'm so tired.

To Marshall

I'm about 12 miles out, and hope to get there by early afternoon. Then to WalMart for some rain gear, and then onto Longview. Its very humid this morning. My theory is that by noon, the sun burns it all up, which is why there's a dry heat in Texas. Its a theory anyway, and maybe a hope. I don't think I can deal with 100 degree heat and humidity. I still have ice in my cooler and that's really helping me cool down. Reaching Texas, has gotten me to ponder the road thus far and my journey. Mostly I was running, trying to get away from my old life. Now though, I feel like I'm running to something. And that's a great feeling.

Tejas

Got a nice spot in between i-20 and a frontage rd, and trying to cool down. The sign I passed in town said 100 degrees. Doesn't feel that hot, and hopefully the humidity is gone forever. But I need to pay attention to the sun. My arms are to a point that I don't need sunscreen and they don't burn. My face will hold up better but it will burn. The hat helps alot and I usually wear it when the sun gets shining on my forehead. I got some burrito money, and the next civilization I hit, I'm getting rain gear. I'm so excited. Texas is a big milestone. Dallas will be my halfway point, or sooner. I haven't found an app that will let me map out my route, going forward and back to the beginning. I may be at 1k miles but the map only does interstate routing, and that's way more direct than the state and farm roads I took. I lived in Dallas for 10 years and though I wont be hitting my ok stomping grounds, its familiar territory.

Texas

Hit the Texas border not long ago and it feels good to have made it this far. A guy passing by gave me 20 bucks and I was able to get a new cooler,  ice and Gatorade.  I hope to make it to Dallas in the next 2 weeks, then north to denison, then NW to Amarillo.  It's gonna take at least a month and a half, maybe two. Texas is just big. Thanks so much for all the encouragement and support!

Grace

Been doing some thinking today.  My walk has been slow, because my right calf/ankle is sore, so been taking it easy and frequent breaks to rest it. But thinking about grace and my walk with god. I see a lot of churches with grace in their names, and I guess that was my spark. I have lived most of my life without its presence, and that was fine. I was agnostic before the walk. Note that I said agnostic versus atheist. Agnostic is about not knowing versus not believing. But in my world, there was a set of checks and balances, a rhythm of receiving and returning. You buy me dinner, and I will buy yours the next time around. But the last few years I've been short on friends because I removed myself from the world to live in my solitary hole. So even the tit for tat was infrequent. With family you automatically get grace, or at least in mine. The same for friends and loved ones. Getting grace from complete strangers is in my experience a rarity. But here I am now on this walk, and not only have my friends and family pitched in to keep this journey alive and afloat. But complete strangers. Whether it's to donate towards the walk or because I appear homeless  (which I suppose in the strictest sense I am), it doesn't matter, because the giving is the important part. Giving when there is no motive but to make someone's life better. Then there's god's grace. Praying, I've asked for safety, to keep animals from my path, I've asked for money, I've asked for the sun to come out, and I've asked to stay dry; and every time my prayer was answered. Coming from a life of hoping, to a life of getting what I ask for, is a completely foreign idea. It's that grace from god, that gives me hope, joy, and freedom to enjoy the walk where I would normally dispair.  And because I've been given grace, I in turn feel the imperative to grant it. I guess it's paying it forward.  It makes me want to be less judgemental,  and more kind. More the kind of person I want to be.

Exfil

Just loaded up on groceries to the extent that I could and packed the cart. Its a little weird walking with the cart, but I will get used to it. Its got a low center of gravity and is very compact. Texas is 19 miles away and I think I can do that. My cooler got left behind at the motel because I couldn't carry it. So that means no Ice, but I will just deal. The rain stopped just as I was waking up. I was praying for that as I don't have any rain gear anymore. I do have a trash bag though, so in a pinch. I will be heading out on 79 which turns into 80, and follows the interstate.

The new cart

Its very large, and looks like the bed of a pickup, only canvas. Michael helped me get everything setup and even fashioned a kickstand of sorts. I will post a video when I can. Jenn and Michael and family are related to a friend. They have been so nice and hospitable, and I'm so grateful for all they've done. Tomorrow I head to Texas, and hopefully the rain will just stop. With all my rain gear gone, I will just have to get wet and hope my gear stays dry.

Things of note

While I have a moment, I want to write a few odds and ends. The guy who picked me up yesterday,  Jabel,  was a total character. Not that he was funny or anything.  His truck was an in use sportsman's paradise.  Fishing poles, nets, a bucket of fish for bait. Mud was everywhere and he kept his truck like I have in the past, very cluttered.  After we strapped my cart into the bed, and getting into the cab; he had an old revolver tucked in between the seat,  and sitting next to me was a rifle. He had that Cajun accent, and though I didnt understand all the words, i got the gist. He was wearing a bandana under his cap, a loose fitting shirt, shorts and cowboy boots, no socks. He said he just came back from hunting and fishing all night. Told me about the boars in the area and dome seemingly tall tales. He was very antigovernment, and pro guns. No real reason for writing about him, it's just, he could have been a character from young guns. Before that around midday, I was sitting on a bridge, and a truck pulled up. An older lady gave me 20 bucks and a bible verse. She quoted the wrong book, but essentially the verse was, I will not leave you nor forsake you. Dueturonomy something. I had been feeling a little left out in the rain, literally and figuratively. So that was a nice message.

Backpacking is not fun

Or at least not with all the gear I have. I never considered weight as a factor, so it's no wonder my pack is hideously overweight. I ended up taking the local transit, when I figured that walking a mile, stopping for 45 minutes to recuperate wasn't going to get me to south shreveport before midnight. So now I'm about a mile away and scoping out some spots just in case. I just hate the idea of imposing myself into someone else's life and like to be as independent as I am able. I hadn't really planned on naming the new cart, but seems you guys have other plans. I'm game. It's weird, it's 86 degrees now but just not really feeling the humidity. Maybe I crossed that invisible line where humidity stops beating the crap out of you. And maybe it's mother nature playing a cruel trick. I'm looking forward to being on the road again. The hotel stay was nice, don't get me wrong.  I just really enjoy the new sights every mile.

Tornado

Last night there was a tornado warning and it was storming fiercely. The rain was going sideways and I was very relieved to be indoors. I decided that spending the money on a washing machine was the better part of Valor, as the clothes kept on dirtying the water even after 15 min of wringing them out. Manny, the cart is gone. I was able to salvage the tube for use on the next cart, so that's a plus. Now I have to walk 12 miles with everything on my back. I got rid of my boots I was keeping for a backup pair, but looking at them in the light, they were past their expiration date. Oh, and saved my rickshaw poles. Within the last few days, my umbrella mysteriously disappeared,  probably slipped it's noose on the cart. My poncho is dead and doesn't really keep me dry. I think that the next rain, I will just be wet and miserable. As long as I have a dry set to change into, I'm good. each day as the walk progresses, it's a test of what us needed and what's not. gearwise and spiritually. And eventually even stuff you were hanging onto for a rainy day, get trashed.

Bear country

Made good miles today and was about to make camp when this pickup pulled over. Guy asked if I needed a ride. I told him I was walking, same line different day. He then suggested against it. He said they just released some black bears into the wildlife management area we were in, and he again suggested against it and offered a ride. Jabel was very country, but nice. I took the ride, not wanting to become bear bait, then rode in my first car in 2 months. The time before that was when the guy in the campground in Florida gave me a lift, after the hood Ole boys were playing chicken with me. I'm not happy that ride was necessary,  but I am currently not being chased by bears either, so that's a plus. We drove past the WMA and into Bossier city. He dropped me off at a walmart, and then wanted to chat,  as is the country way. I've actually got a hotel tonight, a donation by a good friend. But that's still miles away. I walked hard today and probably pushed too hard. An actual bed sounds divine.

Happy Memorial day

I did about ten miles before I realized I only had a quarter gallon of water. I did a quick inventory and also realized I was out of energy drinks too. Checking my app, I saw that there are no stores for the next 15 miles and that worried me. It's a scorcher today, and without water,  I'm a dead fish. After freaking out, I noticed a house across the street. One that was off the road and not protected by a fence or dog. After getting no response from a knock, I went around back calling out the whole time, as I didn't relish the idea of getting shot today. A man and his wife were around a pool. They filled my gallon to the top then gave me a second gallon which was very cool. I normally am good about checking my supplies and thought I had a second gallon stashed. Thank god they were home and friendly. A few cops just stopped to check my ID and were fairly friendly. A few miles back I saw a dead rattlesnake on the side of the road, my first. Before it was stay wary near the water, now it's extended to everywhere else. Gonna try and do some good miles today. But it's hot and I font want to overheat.

Adventure

When Haley was 6 or 7, we went on dome adventures. She had her adventure gear which included a belt with adventuresome tools like a magnifying glass.  I can't remember what all else was attached but I remember she jostled when she walked. One day, I made a treasure map with tea bags and burnt the edges. We were to seek Old Jacks treasure. It ended in finding a buried box of coins and fake jewelry.  It's a very fond memory for me. I've been thinking that lately I've been in a funk, and couldn't figure out why.  Sure it's been some challenging miles I've walked, but essentially not any different. Then while talking to a friend on the phone, I got it. The walk stopped being an adventure, and became everyday. With all the challenges,  I reverted into an old coping mechanism, one of negativity.  But now that I recognize it, things will change. And I need to plan my route a little better. Instead of taking the bee line straight to my goal going through an unkind wilderness,  I should be planning a route through more civilization. And maybe  do some research and touch on places of interest. I've about 40 miles to Shreveport and that excites me. The key is to stay excited. After all, I want the journey to be just as pivotal as the destination.

Pfft!

Today was one of those miserable soaking wet days, just plain misery. The hills are back, and the thing where there's canals on both sides of the road. Last ni ghost town I slept about 15 feet from a stop sign, because it was the only place. Today it rained do hard, it nearly broke my umbrella with the wind. During that fun, my feet got soaked. And then my poncho ripped, so fun fun fun! I'm in Coushatta and was lucky that some folks bought me a combo. Not hungry, just need something warm. I'm completely drenched.  I'm done for the day. Did 17 miles before 4pm and my feet are killing me. I need a good spot and now. Gonna wait til the phone charges some and head out.

Clarence

Walking thru town hoping to find a place to plug in this phone. The battery life is ok, just takes a long time to charge even in an outlet. Rains on its way again, this time from the south.the mickey dees was a ruse. There is nothing in this junket town. I kinda miss Mississippi where people actually talk to you. I'm glad you all liked the videos. If I can get a video editor on this phone then we will be rockin. But been barely in range all day. I hope I can keep dry today.

Day 70

As I head NW the swampiness is becoming less, unless of course it's a trick. Today it's sunny and bright,  for which I am thankful. But it's very hot and humid too. I checked my map app and it shows a mickey dees up the road about 14 miles. I'm a little surprised and didn't expect civilization until Shreveport. I'm trying to get my MOJO back. The last several days I've felt uninterested in my journey. But I guess there's a lesson here somewhere. Keep going no matter what. I definitely have not yet found the promise land. And I am excited about my weight loss, so there's that.  Spiritually I'm okay, but could really use some oil for the fire. There's just no real way to do that on the walk, as it takes up my entire day. The shoes are going splendidly and I'm so thankful. The cart, well, haha. I feel like this first half of the journey was kinda like going through the muck and mire to reach the good stuff. The bad side is that I won't reach the mid point til about Paris TX.  But I guess that's not so far away. A few hours by car.